The Blog is Back...Sort of

Zero.  That is the number of words I have written since my last blog post.  Mainly, because I don't want to force myself to re-live all of that, not right now anyway.  Some day I will fill in the gaps of the story, but for now, we are just moving forward. 

We have been dealing with some other twists and turns, not adoption related, which has given us plenty to focus on.  Both of us are doing our best to learn to adjust and move forward.  Every time I think I've reached my breaking point, something else gets piled on and I seem to adjust the weight and keep on trucking.  People always say, "God will never give you more than you can handle."  And then there is the classic response of, "I just wish He didn't trust me so much."  Yep, I'm there.

I wish I could say I've been given some good encouragement when it comes to adoption, but that isn't the case.  I've talked to my OB/GYN about some physical symptoms I've been having, hoping he would tell me it was just stress, and so far that is what he has chalked it up to, but when he asked why I've been stressed and I lay out the story for him, he tells me that it is more and more common for a birth mother to change her mind at the last minute.  I actually ran into my doctor from the Fertility Clinic on my way to see him and he said the same thing.  But they both follow it up with, "but if you are patient enough and stick it out, it will eventually happen for you."

I had been doing pretty well lately, but the dreaded day is almost upon us now, and I'm already an emotional mess about it.  Yep, Sunday is Mother's Day.  May 13th was supposed to be my first Mother's Day as a Mommy.  Instead, May 13th will be my first Mother's Day after the loss of my son.  I'm going to need an extra dose of grace and mercy on Sunday.  I'm not asking for your pity, I just simply ask that you say an extra prayer for all the women in my shoes on Sunday.  I'm not trying to steal any one's joy.  Yes, if you are a mother, you should be celebrated.  Each year, the holiday gets harder and harder for me, but yet gets more meaningful for when I can celebrate it as a Mom.