Thanksgiving 2012

It's that time of year again...already!  So, in case you were wondering, here is what I'm thankful for this year:

1. I'm thankful I have so much to be thankful for.
2. That in a world of "me, me, me" I've had the opportunity to form a relationship with someone who was more focused on the well being of her child than herself.  Our birth mother, Lindsay, has given us an amazing gift.  We can never thank her enough.
3. For our home...it wasn't so long ago that we were living in a hotel. 
4. For our jobs.  Many, many people are without work.  We are blessed to have jobs we love and provide for our family.
5. For the vehicles that get us to and from work.
6. For our church and church family.
7. For our fur babies, who probably feel pretty neglected right now.  But they are still loved and still a huge part of our family!  Plus, Mitchell will need playmates soon.
8. For our family that continues to support us every step of the way through our adoption process.
9. For our amazing friends who do the same as those in #8.
10. For all of my Mommy friends/family who are real enough with me to let me know that there is no such thing as Supermom.  Who don't make me feel like a failure because I can't do 17 things at once.  I think you are all awesome moms and your children are lucky to have you! 
11. For KK (a.k.a. Karen).  It is much easier to leave your child for the day when you know they are in good hands. 
12. That Mitchell has two full sets of grandparents.  And four living great-grandparents.
13. That both sets of grandparents are other examples to MJ of how marriage should work.  That it is meant to be a life long commitment.
14. For the adoption agency who has been great support over the last two years, helping us get to this point.
15. For a recent diagnosis that has forced me to take better care of myself.
16. For pictures, that let us capture a moment in time.
17. For our pediatrician, who is great with Mitchell and us and is willing to do the extra paperwork necessary because MJ is being adopted.
18. That I was patient enough to wait out God's plan.
19. For all the men and woman who risk(ed) their life or lost their life defending our freedom.
20. For Gus.  He is an incredible husband and father.  He has been by my side through the worst of the worst and the best of the best.  I wouldn't want anyone else there with me.
21. For Mitchell Jonathan!!!!!
22. That MJ is a happy and healthy baby.
23. That I'm finally a mommy.
24. That I was able to rock my baby boy to sleep last night.
25. That I still get to hear, "your son looks a lot like you!"
26. That Mitchell likes to cuddle. And he gives really good hugs.
27. That Mitchell has the opportunity to know his birth mother.
28. That holidays are anticipated with excitement again.
29. That I know what overwhelming heartache is and that I've experienced true joy as well.
30. That God answers prayers!

Here

Ever since our first IVF attempt, I've had a song picked out for our first video slide show of baby pictures.  I'm so very thankful that the song has finally been utilized.  You may want to have some Kleenex handy...or maybe you just aren't as emotional as I am. :)  I hope this works...it's my first time producing a video.

RASCAL FLATTS - HERE
There’s a place I’ve been lookin' for
That took me in and out of buildings
Behind windows, walls and doors
And I thought I found it
Couple times even settled down
Then I’d hang around just long enough
To find my way back out
I know now
The place that I was tryin' to reach
Was you right here in front of me

And I wouldn’t change a thing
I’d walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I’d relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumble, step
That led to you and got me here
Right here, oh, baby

It's amazin', what I let my heart go through
To get me where it got me
In this moment here with you
And it passed me by
God knows how many times
I was so caught up in holdin'
What I never thought I'd find
I know now
There’s a million roads I had to take
To get me in your arms this way

And I wouldn’t change a thing
I’d walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I’d relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumble, step
That led to you and got me here

In a love I never thought I get to, get to, here
And if that's the road God made me take
To be with you

And I wouldn’t change a thing
I’d walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I’d relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumble, step
That led to you and got me here, right here

And I’d relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumble, step
That led to you and got me here
Right here, oh, baby
Ooh, oh got me here

June 18, 2012

"He must have heard every prayer I've been praying...When God made you, He must've been thinking about me."

Way Behind

I know I'm way behind on the blog, but being a mom isn't exactly what I expected it to be...it is so much BETTER!  So, my "free" time is spent with my hubby and child and not so much more with my computer.  You won't be getting much out of me today either, as I'm sitting at my computer at work on my lunch break.  I had an idea for a caption for a photo, so once I "created" it, I thought I'd share it on the blog.  Enjoy!

 

And don't worry, some day I'll get back to writing more.

Staycation

I'm to the point where I'm so worn out and tired of the day to day grind, that my husband has suggested I take a few days off of work for...me.  Now, if you are a long time follower of the blog, you may know that I have a bunch of time saved up, both sick time and vacation time.  And you probably also know that I'm very stingy with how I use it.  Why?  Because when the day finally comes that a child is placed in our home, that is how I will be staying home with said child to bond in the beginning.  So the less time I use now, the more time I will have with him/her whenever that incredible day comes.  So the idea of taking time for me sounds good, but in my head I do this:  "if I use three days here then that only leaves me with X amount of days for when we do get placed with a baby and X amount of days to keep as emergency days for when he/she gets sick.  And what about if I want to take some time off at Christmas if we do have a child by then." Etc, etc, etc.

However, I do think a few days to do what I want to do when I want to do it has been, for a lack of better word, earned.  We have cancelled two vacations in the past two years, and I think some me time would do me good.  So I will be doing everything from cleaning to napping on no particular schedule, with a few other fun things thrown in the mix.  So today is my Friday.  And Tuesday will be my Monday.  5 whole days to relax and move at whatever pace I choose for the day.  Happy Staycation to me!

Time Flies When You're Having Fun

We had our 6 month safety check yesterday, which means it's been 6 months since we were officially added to the "waiting list."  Everything went well and we met the new social worker with our agency who is in the Springfield area.  Which means we may be getting a support group of other local waiting families with our agency.  :)  We are now up to par with the state to keep our foster license for another 6 months.

Tomorrow is our 9th wedding anniversary!  My husband deserves a medal or trophy of some sort.  From the moment our happily-ever-after began, he started dealing with more than he imagined, I'm sure.  I've been adding gray hair to his head since he said "I do."  The man has stood by my side through 3 biopsies, 2 lumpectomies, back surgery, 3 surgeries for fertility issues, 2 failed IVF attempts, and 1 failed adoption.  And a house fire.  That man has walked through hell with me.  I know there have been several times when my happiness has come well before his.  I know he loves me.  Why?

Because he stuck around through 3 biopsies, 2 lumpectomies, back surgery, 3 surgeries for fertility issues, 2 failed IVF attempts and 1 failed adoption.  And a house fire.  Not to mention all the other smaller issues along the way.  We made the decision to let those things pull us closer together instead of push us apart.  We are lucky to have walked through all of it.  Not just that we survived, but we are lucky to have had the experiences we have had.  It gave us clearer perspectives on what really matters and helped us set our priorities right from the beginning.

Life is much different today than what I pictured life would be like when we were standing at the alter 9 years ago.  But the one thing that is the same is that I pictured us still madly in love, still best friends, still wanting to be around each other all the time. 

I don't know exactly what thoughts were running through his head at any given moment.  But I'm sure he had a lot of questions and doubts.  But you know what, I never heard him voice any of those questions or doubts he was facing.  He kept the "we will cross that bridge when we come to it" attitude around me.  And that is a big part of the reason I'm sane today.  That and because I have Jesus and friends and family who have supported us through it all. 

Our marriage isn't perfect because neither of us are perfect.  We have been spared some awful "what ifs" over the years.  Which makes me that much more thankful for every day of the last 9 years.  I wouldn't change one, because we were together for all of them.  I know I'm a day early, but Happy Anniversary Gus!  I love you!

The Blog is Back...Sort of

Zero.  That is the number of words I have written since my last blog post.  Mainly, because I don't want to force myself to re-live all of that, not right now anyway.  Some day I will fill in the gaps of the story, but for now, we are just moving forward. 

We have been dealing with some other twists and turns, not adoption related, which has given us plenty to focus on.  Both of us are doing our best to learn to adjust and move forward.  Every time I think I've reached my breaking point, something else gets piled on and I seem to adjust the weight and keep on trucking.  People always say, "God will never give you more than you can handle."  And then there is the classic response of, "I just wish He didn't trust me so much."  Yep, I'm there.

I wish I could say I've been given some good encouragement when it comes to adoption, but that isn't the case.  I've talked to my OB/GYN about some physical symptoms I've been having, hoping he would tell me it was just stress, and so far that is what he has chalked it up to, but when he asked why I've been stressed and I lay out the story for him, he tells me that it is more and more common for a birth mother to change her mind at the last minute.  I actually ran into my doctor from the Fertility Clinic on my way to see him and he said the same thing.  But they both follow it up with, "but if you are patient enough and stick it out, it will eventually happen for you."

I had been doing pretty well lately, but the dreaded day is almost upon us now, and I'm already an emotional mess about it.  Yep, Sunday is Mother's Day.  May 13th was supposed to be my first Mother's Day as a Mommy.  Instead, May 13th will be my first Mother's Day after the loss of my son.  I'm going to need an extra dose of grace and mercy on Sunday.  I'm not asking for your pity, I just simply ask that you say an extra prayer for all the women in my shoes on Sunday.  I'm not trying to steal any one's joy.  Yes, if you are a mother, you should be celebrated.  Each year, the holiday gets harder and harder for me, but yet gets more meaningful for when I can celebrate it as a Mom. 

Offline

Word is starting to spread, so many of you are aware of the fact that we said goodbye to Samuel on Tuesday, as his birth mother will be taking him home and parenting him starting today.  Unfortunately, the emotions we are going through are not uncharted territory for us, but we have never had to grieve the loss of a living, breathing child before.  I think we are both still in the shock/denial stage, so our darker days are ahead of us. 

I've learned to stop asking the "why" questions, as we will probably never get real answers.  But our faith remains strong that God has a plan.  He always has and we need to leave it in His hands. 

The blog will be going offline for a while.  Writing is my outlet for thoughts and emotions, so I will still be writing, but not publishing.  There have been new levels of pain, which I'm not ready to share with the general public at this time.  Someday, there may be another catch up post, but in the mean time, please don't forget about us.  We need your love, support, and words of encouragement, now more than ever. 

Too Good To Be True

Although I do not plan to get into details at this time, we have had a bumpy weekend.  So much so, that the path we follow from here isn't even a laid out step by step process.  Basically, we are approaching this one day at a time, and as our social worker said, continuing to process through each green light until we get to a red light. 

We are both doing...okay.  I was feeling emotions again over the weekend that I haven't had to deal with in a really long time.  We are exhausted, mentally and physically. 

I was able to tell Gus on our way home from our visit yesterday, that although I'm scared about the future, I believe for the first time I'm able to leave something in God's hands.  I know how much I love Sam, and I know that God loves him so much more.  Even though we may not be able to understand it at this time, God has Sam's best interest in mind and will watch over him.  I just have to keep reminding myself of that. 

Please pray!  Pray for the situation to settle down.  Pray for a way to expedite the adoption.  Pray for everyone involved. 

Worst Spot for a Hang Up

So Monday we were supposed to find out if the birth father registered with the state's putative father registry.  And we are STILL waiting to find out.  Our lawyer's contact appears to be out of the office, so we may be waiting for the information via snail mail.  That means we might not know anything until the end of the week.  Talk about torture!!!!  If we were just waiting for our court date, I could handle that.  At least the end would be in sight and we would know we were moving forward without any issues.  Anytime my phone rings I jump for it hoping it's the lawyer, but no call yet. :(

We did go down yesterday as planned and sign the paperwork, so that he can submit them for a court date once he hears.  He also told us he submitted a petition last Friday and that couple is going to court on Thursday...so we might have about a week wait for the court date. 

We did visit Sam yesterday too.  It is getting harder and harder to leave every time.  He is growing so much and I feel like we are missing way too much.  He is consistently eating 4 oz bottles, has moved up to size 1 diapers, is busting out of his newborn clothes, and lost his umbilical cord.  My heart aches for him.  I miss him the moment we leave and I dread the wait until the next visit.  The interim care mom is still awesome!  We thanked her again for her hospitality on our way out last night and she said, "you guys are a joy to have around.  I have never heard a couple have so much fun with their baby before."  That makes me kind of sad for all those other babies.

Still keeping in good contact with the birth mother.  We text back and forth about every other day now.  She is extremely anxious for this all to be over too. 

Noah is healing up well.  The collar of shame didn't last more than about 10 minutes, so we were forced to use the muzzle.  But he's pretty good about leaving his stitches alone, so he only has to wear it when we aren't home.  His stitches come out on Friday, so he can say good-bye to the muzzle then. 

That's it.  Please keep all of us (Gus, Sam, the birth mother, and I) in your prayers.  Waiting for this hurdle to be jumped is awful.  We are all holding our breath, waiting for that giant sigh of relief.

Missing Sam

We have had two official visits with our boy now.  And every time is an emotional roller coaster ride.  The whole way down we are so excited to get there and see him, and then for about the last hour of the visit, I sit there and dread saying good-bye with tears in my eyes.  It is so hard to leave him! 

Monday is when our lawyer can check the state registry to see if the birth father has registered for paternal rights.  If his name isn't on the list, we can submit the paperwork to petition for custody.  Hopefully, we won't have to wait long for a court date.  I'm guessing sometime the week of the 13th is when we will get a court date, but I'm really hoping (and this is extremely far fetched) that we get a court date for late next week.  Once we go to court, we will go back to the adoption agency's office where we will meet Sam and the interim care mom and finish paperwork with the agency, pay them (we now have all the money we should need thanks to another donation and a generous 0% interest loan for the remaining amount), and get to leave with Sam!!!!  We will have to stay in the state for a few days (3 to 5), so we have decided to take Sam on his first family vacation.  We found a small cabin that looks nice and cozy for spending our first few days as a family of 3.

That's all.  Enjoy the pictures!  I just love that Little Man sooooooooooooooooo much!  Can't wait to spend every day with him!

Forgot About This Part

Please don't tell me my child is bonding with someone else right now.  (Yes, people have been dumb enough to say that to me.)  I know...and it doesn't make it any easier.  I know I will be the third mother my child bonds with...and yes I'm worried it is going to take longer and be harder than it should.  But there isn't anything I can do, so please don't make me feel like a horrible mother already.  (Okay, rant is over.)

In other news, found out yesterday that Noah has to have surgery. :(  He has a lump next to his wee wee that is getting bigger and because of it's location it has to be removed.  (Noah is the dog, if you didn't know that.)  Please pray for me (I LOVE that dog) and for Noah and Sam.  They don't know it yet, but they are best friends and they need each other. :)

And Nigel is back to being Nigel and has been banned to the basement again. :(  Already acting out in jealousy over the new baby.

Prince Charming

1-20-12

Gus was at his part time job and I was running errands when I received a text message from our birth mother that she was on her way to the hospital.  I asked her to let us know the update when they checked her in and that we would start heading that way.  Gus and I met at home and grabbed our bags and headed over to our friends house to drop off the dog.  Weather was good...until we got about an hour down the interstate and that is when cars started ending up in the ditch.  ICE STORM.  And then, traffic stopped moving...I told Gus it was either going to happen and we wouldn't be able to get there or it was going to be another false alarm.  Traffic started moving very slowly...we went 2 miles in 1 hour, but we were thankful to be moving because the other side of the interstate was shut down.  Once we got past the congested area, we were able to move along fairly well, so I sent a text to the birth mother letting her know how far away we were and that traffic was moving slowly.  She was just getting to the hospital, she was fighting her way through traffic and ice as well.  By the time we got to the hospital, they were just checking her.  Her friends, who were also going to be in the room for the delivery, met us in the waiting room.  They told us she was at 2 cm still but her contractions were strong and close.  I went back and saw her, and it was obvious she was in pain with the contractions this time.  But I still thought they would send her home.

The hospital staff decided to let her walk for an hour and see where that got her, so the five of us went for a tour of the hospital.  Up and down stairs and Gus made her do high knees.  Must have worked because she was at 3 cm and they decided to get her a room.  So Gus and I went and had dinner at about 11pm in the cafeteria and then headed back to her room to see how she was doing.

1-21-12

We hung out in her room for a little while and then I had to walk because I was beyond tired and ready to pass out.  When I came back to the room around 3am, everyone had decided to go down to the waiting room and take a little snooze.  So Gus slept on the floor of the castle that was in there for children to play in and I slept in a chair.  We didn't sleep much, because it was just TOO comfortable. :)  I think by about this time she was at 4 cm.  We kept bouncing back and forth between her room and the waiting room.  We decided to call the future grandparents and then we went and got some breakfast in the cafeteria.  Most of the rest of the day was spent between her room and the waiting room.  She wasn't progressing much, so they broke her water in hopes of speeding things up.  She was at the 4 cm/5 cm range for a long time. 

The on call social worker from the adoption agency showed up to check in on everyone.  Apparently, her non-supportive family members were trying pretty hard to get to our birth mother, but the black out plan at the hospital was working and no one made it to her.  We didn't know much about this until the social worker mentioned something to us.  Once the social worker left, Gus decided to go check in to the hotel and get a quick shower.  (We were all feeling pretty disgusting by now.)  He thought about taking a nap, but I'm glad he didn't.  He called to tell me he was on his way back and asked if I needed anything.  About 5 minutes later, I got a text from her friend telling me our birth mother was at 6 cm and I should probably come back to the room.  Once Gus got back to the waiting room, I headed back to her room thinking it was going to be a while yet.  Shortly after getting there, she called the nurse in because she was having a lot of pain.  The nurse had her re-situate herself in bed and upped the medicine in her epidural.  She said she would be back in about 10 minutes to see how she was doing.  She wasn't gone long when our birth mother said she felt like she needed to push.  Her friend made her call the nurse back in.  The nurse checked her and said that yes, it was time to push.  I sent a text to Gus to let him know.  I was asked to stay on the opposite of the bed as her friends so that I could help hold her leg and be close to the baby when he came out.  The doctor had her do a practice push and stopped her before 10 seconds because she moved Little Man so far.  The doctor put her gown on and with one more push Price Charming entered our world!  It was by far the most incredible thing I have ever witnessed!  Once they moved Little Man to his table to be "cleaned" and checked over, I snapped a picture and sent it to Gus.  A few minutes later, our birth mother was all cleaned up and Gus was allowed back to the room.  I was allowed to cut the excess of the umbilical cord off and help with the weighing, etc.  And then the moment I waited for for over 6 years, he was bundled up and placed in my arms!!  I only held him for a short time before passing him over to our birth mother.  She checked him out and then handed him over to Gus.  Once they did a blood sugar test, I was allowed to feed him his first bottle.  LIFE WAS GOOD!!!!!!

We hung out with the birth mother while she ate and then Gus walked her friends out to their car.  When he came back, we went with Samuel up to the nursery where we watched his first bath and took our first family photo.  We checked in on the birth mother one last time before heading to eat and back to the hotel. 

1-22-12

We got to the hospital and checked in on our birth mother, she was asleep so we headed to the nursery.  (She allowed me to have the second arm band, allowing us access to him whenever we wanted.)  It was time for a bottle, so we both took turns feed him and then Gus was called in to the birth mother's room to go over circumcision info with the doctor.  He came back in with the birth mother and we hung out in the nursery until they came to take him for his circumcision.  We then hung out in her room until lunch time and then we went to find him his first outfit, as we didn't bring anything with us.  (So many conflicting messages from the adoption agency about how he wasn't ours yet but then "if you have something you want him to wear home bring it tomorrow.")  So we let her have some time alone with him and her friends who were coming back to see her.  We spent some time at the mall and purchased his incredibly cute first outfit.  We ate a late lunch and then headed back to see our boy.  We stayed until our birth mother crashed for the night and then we took off to get some sleep too. 

1-23-12

This was a very emotional day for everyone.  We tried to do a delicate balance of spending time with Sam and letting her get some alone time with him too.  He had his hospital pictures taken that morning.  Discharge was also pushed back from 11 to 3, which was good because it gave us more time with him.  When the social worker got there about 2:30, we were asked to take Sammy to the nursery so she could have some time alone with the birth mother.  We both took turns rocking him while we cried knowing what was coming.  The social worker for our end showed up and started the discharge process for Samuel Mitchell.  We met the interim care mom, and she is great, she could see we were both having a hard time and said we could follow her to her house and hold him a little longer before leaving.  Our birth mother asked for some more time with him, so we went and sat in the conference room.  Our social worker got a text that they were ready for us, so we all headed back down to her room.  It was so surreal.  You could tell she was having a rough time and no one really said anything for the longest time.  They had her sign a few documents and then she held him for the last time as his mom.  There wasn't a dry eye in the room.  She then turned around and placed him in my arms and thanked us.  The three of us stood there hugging and crying for a while and then they started to gather her things.  There was an awkward moment after they called the nurse to wheel here out and then the nurse took her sweet time.  We had already said our good-byes, and no one was in the mood for small talk, so we just stood there in uncomfortable silence for a while.  She was finally wheeled out and then our social worker helped us raid the room.  She was stuffing all kinds of things in our bag telling us it was paid for and we should take it.  Then we put Sam in the interim care mom's car seat and we all headed down the hall.  We went to her house and she let us spend another hour or so with him.  It was nice to get to know her a little and see where he is going to be for a few weeks.  And then the dreaded moment happened.  We had to say good-bye to our new born son.  I sobbed on and off the whole way home. :(  And tears keep popping up unexpectedly even now.  We set up visits for Saturdays and Tuesdays, so we are counting down the days until our first visit this weekend. 

I told Gus that I felt like the Grinch this weekend, I actually felt my heart grow upon meeting Little Man.  I will admit, I was a little scared that I might not fall head over heals upon seeing him, but boy was I wrong.  The moment I saw the back of his little head, I was wrapped around his little finger.  He is an angel, OUR ANGEL! 

It has been a weird mix of emotions.  Sadness for our birth mother, and incredible joy for us.  I had a lengthy "conversation" with our birth mother today through text messages, which made me feel better.  My heart breaks for her and yet I'm so, so, so happy for us.

The interim care mom has been awesome.  She has already sent two emails with updates and sent us 26 pictures from her first day with him.  We don't think she is going to be too strict about the 2 hour visit rule either.  With any luck, our court date will be scheduled for the week of February 13th and he will be able to come home with us the following week.  Please keep praying for Sam, our birth mother and us!

And I love his hair!!!!  I can't keep my hands out of it. :)  Miss him like CRAZY!!!!!

Love,

One Happy Momma Who Misses Her Son More Than Anything

Wild Weekend

We thought we were going to become parents twice over the weekend, but Little Man has decided to stay put for now.  We got the first call Friday evening that our Birth Mother was on her way to the hospital and her contractions were 3 1/2 minutes apart.  We didn't have any bags packed, as we thought we had more time, so we scrambled around the house stuffing stuff into bags.  We dropped the dog off at a friends house and then hit the road.  We got a few calls on the way down there updating us, and then just 20 minutes from the hospital, we got the call that the hospital was sending her home because she wasn't progressing.  The doctor told her it would happen in the next day or two so we were encouraged to stick around town and wait it out.  Saturday we went over to visit her at her house, and we realized she wasn't in labor, so we stuck around to Sunday, went to church with her, her aunt and cousin.  After church we went out for lunch and then we headed back home. 

Then at 3:52 am on Monday morning, the phone rang and we found out she was heading back to the hospital.  We got to the hospital, saw her and found out that the contractions were about 5 minutes apart and that they were just monitoring the baby as the contractions weren't changing her cervix much.  We went and joined her aunt in the waiting room and about an hour later, our Birth Mother appeared fully dressed in the waiting room telling us they were sending her home.  Her aunt invited us back to their house, where we rested for a while and then had breakfast.  We decided to go kill some time and then we called our Birth Mother to see how she was doing.  She said the contractions had died down, so we headed back home again. 

Last night we got a text from her that she was passing the mucus plug, so we are getting closer!  (Sorry if I just grossed anyone out.)  But no baby yet.  But we got to spend most of the weekend with our Birth Mother and really got to know her a lot better.  We even exchanged phone numbers with her.  We also got to meet the part of her family that is supportive of her decision and they were very nice and hospitable all weekend long.  We also got to meet her daughter.  She is a cutie!  She came right to me and sat on my lap on Saturday. And she played with us after breakfast on Monday, so I think she likes us. :)  So it was a very good weekend.

I feel more like an expectant father than a mother as I can't go ANYWHERE without my phone, because you never know when the next call will come in.  And I think we are officially "ready" for the real call.  Bags are packed and transferred from the house to the car every morning and then back again at night.  Our dog sitters have a key to the house so we don't have to knock on their door at 3 am some morning.  We both know how to get to the hospital and to the floor we need to be on.  So we are ready whenever Sam is ready! 

We continue to be blown away by the generosity of our family and friends!  We lowered our goal amount based on our conversations with our lawyer.  We are only about $5,000 away from having him PAID IN FULL!  (As long as everything goes smoothly.)  I have to admit, that every time I would start to panic, more donations would roll in, and I mean some substantial donations!  We are truly blessed...and we recognize that.

He has a name!

We are 18 days away from Little Man's due date!!!  We are both starting to get pretty anxious, waiting for him to arrive and then that everything goes as planned and smoothly.  Last Friday, we had our second meeting with the birth mother.  We talked about the birth plan and then she had some pretty deep questions for us.  I'm glad she is asking these questions now, so there will be less of a chance for conflict in the future.  The plan is for me to be present for the delivery and they also talked about giving me the second bracelet at the hospital, giving us access to Little Man when he is in the nursery.  When he is discharged from the hospital, he will go directly into interim care.  We also met with our lawyer on Friday, and he informed us that Little Guy will have to be in interim care a lot longer than we originally thought.  Since the birth father isn't being named, we have to wait 16 days after he is born for our lawyer to check the state registry to see if his father has registered for parental rights.  If his name isn't on the list, then we can file the paperwork for a court date, which takes about a week.  So we are looking at at least 3 weeks of him being in interim care, and we only get 2 visits a week while he is there. :(  We will then have to stay in the state a lot less than we were originally told, about 3 to 5 days before we can bring him home.  So because we have to wait so long to take custody, we are both planning on working as much as possible during those 3+ weeks without him in order to have more time with him once we get him.  It is going to be the longest 3 weeks of our lives!

Friends of ours threw us a baby shower on Saturday for our Springfield area friends!  We got some really nice things and had a REALLY good time! :)  Thank you again to all who helped and were able to join us for the day!  We REALLY appreciate it!!!!

The birth mother is still adamant that we name him, so Little Man's name will be Samuel Mitchell.  We picked his name based on their meanings.  Samuel means asked of God and Mitchell means gift from God.  I plan to call him Sam or Sammy when we aren't calling him Sammitch. :)

I've also come to the conclusion that I've already had my first parenting lesson.  How do we learn the meaning of hot?  We get burned.  How do we learn the meaning of sharp?  We get cut.  I've decided that my child is going to get hurt; physically and emotionally.  There is nothing I can do about that.  As much as I'm going to want to prevent it or take the pain away, I won't be able to.  We have just come out of a very long season of pain.  The why and how questions will forever be burned in our memories.  As much as family members and friends have voiced their longing to take the pain from us, they couldn't.  But we have grown as individuals and as a couple.  I guess what I'm saying is that when my child does experience pain, I know I will do whatever I can to comfort him, but I hope I remember that the experience is turning him in to the young man God wants him to be.  How do we learn the meaning of grace and mercy?  We experience it.  If this life was 100% comfortable, we wouldn't need Him.  And as a mom, I want my son to long to know Him.  I hope his seasons of pain are short and that he will be able to look back on them and see the purpose.  And I also hope he finds a spouse as good as I've found to walk through this life with him when we can't be there with him.  You know, when he's 55 and old enough to start dating. :)