Ironic

My husband works for a very large snack food (chip) company.  I have been to three company sponsored family events where food has been served...but not one chip was at any of these events.  Ironic, huh?

Speaking of ironic...we have entered the temper tantrum twos.  Whenever I'm in the middle of something, Mitchell will ask me for something, and my response is usually, "sure, but give me a minute."  His response...usually wailing, crying, screaming, etc.  I then have to tell him, "Mama didn't say no, I just said not right now.  Please let me finish (fill in the blank) and I will get (fill in the blank) for you."  The other day, after repeatedly making that statement, I thought, this is probably the way I sounded when we were going through our infertility struggle.  My whining, complaining and asking why must have sounded like a two year-old's temper tantrum to God.  I'm sure his response was, "Jeanna, I didn't say no, I said not right now."  Light bulb!  I've heard it said that having children gives you a clearer picture of your relationship with the Lord.  Yes, yes it does.

We had the privilege to share our story with a group of potential adoptive families last night.  Our adoption agency (Bethany Christian Services) has recently opened an office in Springfield, and even more recently has had enough growth to put on a "Discover Bethany" event in town.  It gives families an overview of their services and the adoption process.  A way for families to get their feet wet and see if adoption is something they want to pursue.  We were asked if we would be willing to come and share our story with the group, so they could hear first hand from a family who has been through the process.  It was an amazing experience.  I have always said that I would share our story with whoever asked.  Besides, it is really God's story, he just chose us to be the leading characters in this particular story.  After the event was over, a woman approached me and told me she had been dealing with infertility testing and treatment and her and her husband had just recently decided to move on and pursue adoption.  In that moment, I saw a reflection of myself from about 3 years ago.  So much hurt, fear and hope for the future all bundled into one emotional package.  I did my best to reassure her that she was about to embark on an amazing journey and someday she would look back and realize it was all apart of God's plan.

On a side note, our church is starting a Family Life series in September.  We have been asked to take a picture of our family with the Family Life sign, post the picture to the church's Facebook page, and then give the sign as an invitation to attend the series to another family.  We knew we wanted our picture to have some sort of tie to adoption in it.  So Gus suggested we take our picture with a Bethany Christian Services sign at the event last night.  So here is our Family Life photo:

Random Ramblings

Working full time and running a household is hard work.  Working full time, running a household and parenting a baby is harder work.  Working full time, running a household and parenting a toddler is even harder work.  And MJ has recently decided that going to bed is optional. :(  Bed time has never been hard with him, he has been a great sleeper since the night he came home.  But being in a big boy bed leaves him with freedoms he chooses to exercise.  Lately, it takes me about 45 minutes to get him settled enough to actually stay in his bed (not asleep yet, but staying in his bed.)  And he does not like to hear the word no.  So we have some behavioral issues we are working on and it feels like we aren't making any progress as we are all tired by the time we get home at night and we only have a couple hours together (including the making, eating and clean up of dinner and bath time) before we start the struggle to get him into bed.  But after a few hard nights of little sleep (as he isn't sleeping through the night now either) it is so nice to get the unexpected and unsolicited "Love you Mommy" from the back seat on our way to the sitters, followed by a "so much" and a kissy noise.  :)

Mitchell is a little sponge.  And it is so strange to hear my words coming out of his mouth.  The other morning after getting him settled for breakfast, I went into the kitchen and then the dog promptly started barking.  Before I could react, I hear from the dinning room, "NOAH BEAR! I EATING! HUSH! Goodness...goodness."  That is almost word for word what I would say.  He also answers questions with "umm" a lot, which Gus says he gets from me too. 

And this is just too cute that I have to share.  This morning, we were coming downstairs for breakfast and MJ looks at me with a big smile and says "Mama, I like your pants!" I'm wearing a skirt today. :) I also made rice crispy treats the other day and last night as he was eating one, MJ: "yum...good...yummy...Mama what is this?" Me: "That's a rice crispy treat."  MJ: "Crispy tweet." He is just so much fun!

Okay, I know this is morbid, but I can't look at our dog without thinking that he isn't going to be around much longer and it just makes me sad.  He is such a good dog.  He is my shadow from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed.  He is great with MJ and I think that is why I'm already dreading him not being around.  It is hard enough loosing a pet without having to watch your child's heart break too.  MJ is definitely an animal lover (just like his Mommy), and I have no doubt that he will take it hard when it does happen.  But, I hope that doesn't happen any time soon. I hope Noah Bear is around for years to come and Mitchell has plenty more opportunities to tell him to hush!

What to Say...When You Don't Know What to Say

I've recently been introduced to the song "Not Right Now" by Jason Gray.  And I'm blown away by how songs have the ability to draw so much emotion from me, even now, after the "smoke has cleared" and life is good.  I think they just make me feel normal, like someone understands me and I'm not as crazy as I think I am.  But this song (lyrics below) brought back so many memories...both good and bad, about well intentioned family, friends and acquaintances.  Most people know that if you don't have the right words to say a simple "Your in my thoughts and prayers." Or "if you need anything, don't hesitate to call." Or "I'm here if you want to talk" are all acceptable things to say.  I've learned that if you express your concern for the person and let them know your willing to be a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, that is enough. 

However, we unfortunately had the "salt in the open wound" comments as well.  Like, "have you thought about getting a puppy?" "Maybe if you drop a few pounds, you'll get pregnant." "Now that you have decided to adopt, I bet you get pregnant!"  "Yes, a puppy is exactly what I need to fill this kid sized hole, I think my doctor would tell me if the problem was I just needed to drop a few pounds, and that is physically impossible" was how I wanted to respond to these comments.  But instead, I just smiled and nodded and moved on, probably rolling my eyes on departure. 

So, my advice (and just a warning...I'm a trained accountant turned operations manager, so take it or leave it) just express your concern for the person and let them know you are there for them in any way you feel comfortable offering.


"Not Right Now"

You could see the smoke from a mile away
And trouble always draws a crowd
They wanna tell me that it'll be okay
But that's not what I need right now
Not while my house is burning down

I know someday
I know somehow
I'll be okay
But not right now
Not right now

Tell me if the hope that you know is true
Ever feels like a lie even from a friend
When their words are salt in an open wound
And they just can't seem to understand
That you haven't even stopped the bleeding yet

I know someday
I know somehow
I'll be okay
But not right now
No, not right now

Don't tell me when I'm grieving
That this happened for a reason
Maybe one day we'll talk about the dreams that had to die
For new ones to come alive
But not right now

While I wait for the smoke to clear
You don't even have to speak
Just sit with me in the ashes here
And together we can pray for peace
To the one acquainted with our grief

I know someday
I know somehow
I'll be okay
But not right now
Not right now
No, not right now