What to Say...When You Don't Know What to Say

I've recently been introduced to the song "Not Right Now" by Jason Gray.  And I'm blown away by how songs have the ability to draw so much emotion from me, even now, after the "smoke has cleared" and life is good.  I think they just make me feel normal, like someone understands me and I'm not as crazy as I think I am.  But this song (lyrics below) brought back so many memories...both good and bad, about well intentioned family, friends and acquaintances.  Most people know that if you don't have the right words to say a simple "Your in my thoughts and prayers." Or "if you need anything, don't hesitate to call." Or "I'm here if you want to talk" are all acceptable things to say.  I've learned that if you express your concern for the person and let them know your willing to be a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, that is enough. 

However, we unfortunately had the "salt in the open wound" comments as well.  Like, "have you thought about getting a puppy?" "Maybe if you drop a few pounds, you'll get pregnant." "Now that you have decided to adopt, I bet you get pregnant!"  "Yes, a puppy is exactly what I need to fill this kid sized hole, I think my doctor would tell me if the problem was I just needed to drop a few pounds, and that is physically impossible" was how I wanted to respond to these comments.  But instead, I just smiled and nodded and moved on, probably rolling my eyes on departure. 

So, my advice (and just a warning...I'm a trained accountant turned operations manager, so take it or leave it) just express your concern for the person and let them know you are there for them in any way you feel comfortable offering.


"Not Right Now"

You could see the smoke from a mile away
And trouble always draws a crowd
They wanna tell me that it'll be okay
But that's not what I need right now
Not while my house is burning down

I know someday
I know somehow
I'll be okay
But not right now
Not right now

Tell me if the hope that you know is true
Ever feels like a lie even from a friend
When their words are salt in an open wound
And they just can't seem to understand
That you haven't even stopped the bleeding yet

I know someday
I know somehow
I'll be okay
But not right now
No, not right now

Don't tell me when I'm grieving
That this happened for a reason
Maybe one day we'll talk about the dreams that had to die
For new ones to come alive
But not right now

While I wait for the smoke to clear
You don't even have to speak
Just sit with me in the ashes here
And together we can pray for peace
To the one acquainted with our grief

I know someday
I know somehow
I'll be okay
But not right now
Not right now
No, not right now