Attitude Adjustment

I don't know if I have just had several good days in a row, or if I'm making leaps and bounds in my attitude toward our situation, but it is progress, I know that. I realize that my attitude is the driving force behind my mental well-being at the present time. So instead of focusing on all of the negative, I've decided to focus on some of the positive things. For instance, I still have Gus, and I know he isn't going anywhere. Our marriage has survived this whole ordeal. I have excellent health insurance! Although we still had some medical bills to pay, and I'm not sure all of them have come in yet, my insurance has been a huge factor in all of this. Without it, I'm not sure we would have tried IVF, and at least we didn't fork out THOUSANDS of dollars for the results we got. Plus, at this point in time, we still have options to choose from when deciding where to go from here.


The "why" questions are still there, but I'm learning to accept that there are some things I will never understand or probably want to understand. So far, I don't regret any of my decisions. I probably would have lived in the constant "what if we would have tried IVF" state if we didn't. And it was a big growing and maturing process for both of us.


Physically I'm still having some issues/side effects. It will be interesting to see if my first "normal" cycle is actually back to my "normal." My hormones are effecting my skin and I'm still having occasional lower abdominal pain. If my cycle is "normal" this go round, I'm pretty sure I can pin point when ovulation was, because the pain was at its worst about that time. My ovaries were still really enlarged at the last scan I had and I'm sure that is where the pain is coming from. But on a positive note, my temperature has regulated again and my emotions have leveled out.


A little perspective goes a long way too. My friend whose baby shower I just attended lost her baby at 31 weeks. My heart breaks for her and her family. At least I don't have to go home to a house filled with baby shower gifts acting as constant reminders of what I've lost.