A Request and Dedication and a Few Other Things

So Gus and I had a conversation the other day about when our book reports were due. I said sometime at the end of August. He suggested I find out for sure, and I'm glad he did. I found out late Monday afternoon that all paperwork, including book reports were due on August 25th. So we did some rearranging of schedules and spent all day yesterday reading and getting the book reports done. Gus whipped out two reports and I read the remaining 330 pages I had left in my last book and wrote my last report at 8pm last night. I got everything emailed off today, to receive a phone call that there were 3 required books and the rest were additional books to read for the next section of our training. Luckily, we read 2 of the required books and she said we could just read the third in our continued training. So our first round of paperwork is DONE!!! Our file is going to be handed off to our social worker and the director for review and then they will schedule the home study. We are getting closer and closer!!!

Speaking of home study, with my next job #2 paycheck we will have enough in our fund to pay for the home study and the admin fees, which are the next two payments. Then we can start saving up for the placement fee, which is the BIG one.

I've made up a few new acronyms. PAD and PWOC. PAD is very similar to PPD (postpartum depression). It is pre-adoption depression. I'm not saying that I'm depressed! I'm just saying that what pregnant mothers might go through, those of us with infertility issues could go through before baby arrives. PWOC is parents without children. Not sure where I'm going with that yet, but it popped into my head so I wrote it down.

My attitude is getting better. I'm looking forward to the day when my availability change goes through. I've been scheduled for another 32 hour week, and I'm looking forward to that as much as I'm looking forward to finishing my current 32 hour week. :) But there are many factors that contributed to my attitude change. I really needed to hear the sermon at church on Sunday. The couple of points that I remember right off are: perseverance - don't stop until you get what you seek; and pray changes what is possible. Both things I needed to be reminded of. I was also reading a devotion late last week, and Matthew 18: 19-20 "Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them" gave me renewed hope. I KNOW for a fact that at LEAST two or three people are praying for our situation DAILY. I happen to be one of them and our pastor encouraged us to write out our prayers. So here is what my prayer consists of daily:

• Protection and safety for our future child for every second of every day until he or she is placed with us.




• Protection and safety for our future child's birth parents.




• Peace for the decisions the birth parents are going to make.




• A smooth transition to us becoming a family.




• Peace, courage, strength, and energy for Gus and I to make it to that glorious day.

Another factor that helped my attitude move toward the positive side is Gus. For those of you that know me well, you know I have self-esteem issues, which the infertility journey has not helped. Those self-esteem issues make me doubt my security in relationships. But I have no idea why I would ever doubt the security of our marriage. That man knows me better than I know myself sometimes and it is plain scary. And it is more than obvious that my happiness means the world to him. He felt me going over the edge before I even mentioned a word. Do you know that while we were on vacation, my ring was fixed, so on Monday, he not only went and picked it up for me, but he delivered it to me at work in Auburn? And he knows just when I need a surprise lunch date, which turned in to him delivering me lunch at work because I got caught up at the office. Toward the end of the week, I could feel him starting to slip into suffocation mode as well, but that was when I was pulling out of it. It is amazing to me how often through all of this "we" as one unit are okay as long as one of us is able to breath for both of us. One of us carries the weight of the world until the other one is ready to pick up their end and help again. And it just works, for that moment the other one has enough strength to carry on for both of us. He is the most selfless person I know, and I'm extremely lucky to call him my husband.

This song has been popping up a lot lately, and being the wife of a former DJ, I want to dedicate it to my hubby:

Michael Buble - Hold On
Didn't they always say we were the lucky ones?
I guess that we were once
Babe, we were once

But luck will leave you cause
It is a faithless friend
And in the end when life has got you down
You've got someone here that you can wrap your arms around

So hold on to me tight
Hold on to me tonight
We are stronger here together
Than we could ever be alone
So hold on to me
Don't you ever let me go

There's a thousand ways for things to fall apart
But it's no one's fault
No it's not my fault

Maybe all the plans we made would not work out
But I have no doubt even though it's hard to see
I've got faith in us and I believe in you and me

So hold on to me tight
Hold on, I promise it'll be alright
Cause it's you and me together
And baby all we've got is time
So hold on to me, hold on to me tonight

There's so many dreams that we have given up
Take a look at all we've got
And with this kind of love
What we've got here is enough

So hold on to me tight
Hold on, I promise it'll be alright
Cause we are stronger here together
Then we could ever be alone
Just hold on to me
Don't you ever let me go
Hold on to me, it's gonna be alright
Hold on to me tonight
They always say we were the lucky ones