Venting Session

I have an attitude, and it is a bad one. I know I need to adjust it, but there are some days I feel like I'm entitled to a bad attitude after the way the last 5 or so years have worked out for us. I'm hoping one big venting session will help relieve it, so...

We went on vacation last week. I came home nice and relaxed. That relaxed feeling lasted 2 days. Now I'm exhausted again and I hurt because my body got used to doing nothing after just one week and I have to retrain every muscle in my body to get used to standing, walking, and lifting again.

We got our home owner's insurance policy in the mail last week and guess what? Our premium went up. I was obviously expecting this, and I guess the amount wasn't too shocking after the claims amount, which still isn't final as the furnace guy is coming today to see if both furnaces need to be replaced from water damage from the fire.

I've decided that I was way too ambitious and I bit off more than I could chew. I've decided to change my availability at job #2 and tell them that I can only work 25 hours a week. Looking at the next few weeks, I'm feeling completely overwhelmed. I was welcomed back from vacation by working EVERY NIGHT this week plus Saturday. I'm scheduled for 32 hours next week, which would be a total of 74.5 hours total worked for me. I keep thinking that I'm managing now because I really have no home responsibilities beside laundry at the moment. But once we get back into the house, I'm not going to have the cleaning crew or the breakfast/happy hour food crew working for me anymore. Plus I have no time for anything. I did manage to finish book #2 and the report over vacation. I started book #3, but I'm only through chapter 2, so I have a long way to go by the end of the month. So I will be requesting our small group night off completely, and that should leave me with 5 days of working and one other day off from job #2. Hopefully, that will alleviate the suffocating feeling I have right now. I have no idea how long it will take the paperwork to go through once I submit it or if they will start messing with my hours, but I don't want to end up in the loony bin. And I miss seeing people other than the people I work with and the occasionally moments with my husband when we are both awake. I miss him already too. I miss doing things like going to the state fair and having dinner with friends.

Okay, my pity party is over. I did calculate what my take home pay would be from job #2 if I worked the 25 hours per week for a year, and that made me feel a little better. It was almost a third of our goal! So in 2 1/2 years, I can quit. :)

On my way out after I clocked out last night, I walked past the book area and saw a new Chicken Soup for the Soul book I want. It is the Tough Times, Tough People edition. The title encouraged me for about 3 seconds and then I realized that I don't feel so tough right now. I feel like a giant baby for complaining to my husband every chance I get about how tired I am and how I don't want to go to my second job, ever. And I feel guilty for complaining. Like I have said before, this whole crazy schedule thing was my choice, the underlying motivation is a good one, and there are plenty of people without one job and I'm complaining about having two. I still want to read the book some day. I probably have a lot to learn.