Time to Start Over?

It has been awhile since I've updated the blog or anyone on our status in the baby game.  So I will start back in January.  We met with my doctor to find out what our options were after the 2nd failed IVF cycle.  He told us he was unsure what the next step should be, but was confident that he had done everything in his power to correct my issues and I was as good as I could be at this point in time.  He believed there were more issues on Gus' end than they had given consideration since we started pursuing the IVF route.  He suggested that we have an appointment with him and Gus' doctor to see what could be done.

In February, we met with both doctors and Gus' doctor was unsure if there was a fixable issue on his end.  So it was decided that Gus would have an ultrasound done to see if surgery would be beneficial.  So, at the beginning of March Gus had the ultrasound done. 

Last night, Gus received a phone call from the nurse telling us that the doctor had studied the ultrasound and doesn't believe that surgery would benefit the situation.  He also said that there wasn't any other treatment options he could recommend.

So now we know, biological children are NOT an option.  There is NOTHING that can be done to improve our chances.  Although this was expected at this stage in the game for us, it didn't make hearing the news any easier to take.  The sting of the pain was still there.  A dream I've had since I was a little girl is dead. 

I understand that all hope of becoming a mom is not gone.  But there is still a grieving process in motion.  If/When I do become a mom, I will never look into that little face and see traces of Gus or myself.  I also have to be realistic when it comes to dreaming about the size of our family.  Although I would love for our child to have siblings, it might not be feasible. 

All in all, I'm doing okay.  Like I said, the news was kind of expected and I have been in the process of turning my thinking in new directions.  I will still love our child(ren) no matter how it(they) gets here.  We still have choices to make regarding where to go from here.  There is still one medical option that we are willing to consider, but we don't know enough about it to make a decision, so I'm working on getting an appointment to discuss what that all entails.  And of course, we will be exploring the wonderful world of adoption as well. 

I'm glad that we know and we won't spend the rest of our lives wondering.  It is just so disappointing to spend so much time and effort and money on something that could never be.