This sucks!!!!!! Infertility has ripped my heart out and stomped all over it. I was doing okay, until last night. I don't know what triggered it, but I fell pretty hard last night. I know in my head that this is not the end of the world. And I also know that God can still do ANYTHING at this point in time. But my heart knows that I was meant to be a Mom. And I can't help but think that God hasn't done us any favors in this journey so far, so what makes me think He will start now.
Speaking of miracles, it is going to take one for us to be able to adopt. I don't know how we can afford to go through one adoption and finish the renovations to the house. And if we did go this route, I'm beginning to believe that our child won't have any siblings.
I have made our follow up appointment with the doctor. He is on vacation for a couple of weeks so they can't get us in until the end of July, which is fine, I'm in no hurry to hear any more bad news. I'm only making assumptions off of the small amount of information I know and have learned from this process, but my gut tells me if we do decide to continue down this road, we may be looking at another year of what we just went through. And then that leaves me to decide if the small chance of a reward is worth the risk. I don't know how to answer that right now. I'm still trying to figure out what I did to deserve any of this. I know life isn't fair. But I feel the deck has been stacked against me at a much higher rate than the average person.
Baby shower #5 of 7 is on Friday. God sure has blessed us with fertile friends through all of this. I am happy for all of them, but when all of your friends start to have kids, it only makes your desire that much stronger.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment