Christmas is over...although we enjoyed our time with our families, it felt like it came and went so fast. With our sights set on the end of January, which felt so far away until yesterday, Christmas kind of snuck up on us and then left too quickly. But we did get a bunch of baby stuff and feel a little bit better prepared for Little Man.
We heard from the adoption agency yesterday, they wanted to set up our next meeting with the birth mother for next week and let us know that she is having some contractions. They assured us that this is normal and can last for several weeks before she goes into labor, but I have to admit, it sent a little bit of panic through me (which is why the end of January feels closer than it did before). The agency wanted to make us aware in case she did go into labor early. They also wanted to make us aware that our birth mother has expressed her desire to have me present in the room for delivery. They said we would talk about that in more detail next week at our meeting, but wanted to get our initial thoughts in case she did go into labor before our meeting next week. She is so awesome! I want so badly to be present for the birth of my child and now it looks like I will get that opportunity!
I called the lawyer today and we are setting up a meeting for next week to start the ball rolling on our end. He will be more helpful in answering some of the technical questions we have, so we are both looking forward to that meeting.
We sent out our fundraising letter last week. Since then, we have jumped to just over 50% funded! We still have a ways to go, but we are trying not to freak out over the numbers. God provided us with extra income, he has provided us with generous donors, and he will continue to provide.
Day care is proving to be harder than I thought it was going to be to secure. The person I had in mind is no longer doing day care. I received another contact from a friend and left a message yesterday, so hopefully I will hear something soon. We still have time, but I want to make sure I'm leaving him with someone I can trust. Any Mom's in the area can shoot me suggestions if they have them!
Tonight will be my first time doing baby laundry! Can't wait to pull the tiny socks out of the dryer!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Match Meeting
We met our birth mother today and everything about today was awesome! She is smart, friendly, outgoing, mature and athletic. She seems to be at peace with her plan and said several times that she knows this baby is meant for someone other than her. God has definitely been busy orchestrating the events leading up to this on both ends!
Not only did she give us all of the original ultrasound pictures that she had, but she let both of us feel her baby bump and I got to feel our son move! She said she wants this baby to feel as much like our own as possible so she was going to give us naming rights. However, if we were going to let her name him, she was going to name him after a relative of hers that recently passed. Gus and I discussed it on the way home, and we are thinking about doing a combination of the two names. We want her to know that she will always be a part of his life, and this is one way we can honor her and give him some roots to his biological family.
We discussed the level of openness we would have and started discussing the plan for his birth. We are going to meet with her one more time, probably in early January, and will discuss the hospital plan in more detail. We did ask her what made her decide on us, and she said it was more of a feeling than anything else. She read our profile first and sent a text message to the pregnancy counselor right away saying she really liked us. The pregnancy counselor told her to read the rest and let her know if she still felt that way. So she said she read the rest of them and kept comparing all the others to us. When she got done, she still had a feeling about us that she didn't have with any of the other families.
We are so lucky to have been matched with a birth mother who is so mature and mature in her faith. Her family isn't supportive of her adoption plan, but she wants to be obedient to God and she feels this is the plan He has for her and her son. She has an 18 month old daughter, which she is parenting, and although she was excited to learn that the baby was a boy, she just hasn't felt connected to him during this pregnancy like she felt with her daughter.
Again, we are asking for prayers that everything continues to go as planned. We both feel really comfortable with her and are excited about starting a friendship with her. Oh yeah, we also found out that the actual due date is 1/29 instead of 1/22. So without further delay, here's our son's first picture...
Not only did she give us all of the original ultrasound pictures that she had, but she let both of us feel her baby bump and I got to feel our son move! She said she wants this baby to feel as much like our own as possible so she was going to give us naming rights. However, if we were going to let her name him, she was going to name him after a relative of hers that recently passed. Gus and I discussed it on the way home, and we are thinking about doing a combination of the two names. We want her to know that she will always be a part of his life, and this is one way we can honor her and give him some roots to his biological family.
We discussed the level of openness we would have and started discussing the plan for his birth. We are going to meet with her one more time, probably in early January, and will discuss the hospital plan in more detail. We did ask her what made her decide on us, and she said it was more of a feeling than anything else. She read our profile first and sent a text message to the pregnancy counselor right away saying she really liked us. The pregnancy counselor told her to read the rest and let her know if she still felt that way. So she said she read the rest of them and kept comparing all the others to us. When she got done, she still had a feeling about us that she didn't have with any of the other families.
We are so lucky to have been matched with a birth mother who is so mature and mature in her faith. Her family isn't supportive of her adoption plan, but she wants to be obedient to God and she feels this is the plan He has for her and her son. She has an 18 month old daughter, which she is parenting, and although she was excited to learn that the baby was a boy, she just hasn't felt connected to him during this pregnancy like she felt with her daughter.
Again, we are asking for prayers that everything continues to go as planned. We both feel really comfortable with her and are excited about starting a friendship with her. Oh yeah, we also found out that the actual due date is 1/29 instead of 1/22. So without further delay, here's our son's first picture...
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Everything Happens For A Reason
And it is much easier to see one year later, than in the midst of hell on earth. Today is the anniversary of our house fire. One year ago today, we were facing a lot of uncertainty while trying to stay calm and stress free as we were in the middle of IVF cycle #2. God has been so good to us in so many ways. Although our plan hasn't exactly matched up to His, I wouldn't change a thing to be overflowing with so much joy and happiness today. Emotions that haven't come so easy for YEARS!
For those of you who haven't heard, December 8th we received the phone call we've been waiting for. We have been chosen by a birth mother, who is due with our baby boy on January 22nd! I was actually traveling for work that day, and was at my destination by the time I got off the phone with our social worker. Having clients to entertain and host, I wasn't able to call Gus with the news for about an hour. And I literally paced the floor for the entire hour until I was able to sneak away and call him. And we have both been gushing with joy and excitement since. :)
We are going to meet the birth mother on Friday. I am excited and extremely nervous all at the same time. But I know we already have one thing in common with her, we all love that baby boy to death! Yes, baby boy M. couldn't be loved or spoiled more by his parents to be. We have done some shopping (had to use the discount card while I still could), I know others have done the same, and he is lucky enough that his cousin was born in February, which will give us the right season hand me downs. My sister has already donated some big baby items to us as well. I think Gus and I are going to go register this weekend, as I have already heard talk of some baby showers.
Did you catch my comment earlier? I'm done with job #2!!!! There was way too much stuff to get done at home that wasn't going to get done if I was never around. Plus, the difference in pay wasn't going to get us to where we needed to be. And, I wanted to be able to spend some time with my husband, just the two of us, before #3 arrived. I'm pretty sure God knew I was at the end of my rope with the crazy schedule I had created. So he threw me a giant raft and said, "let go." So I did. Before getting the call, my next blog post was going to be about how I was sick and tired of being tired all of the time.
We are working on fundraising efforts as money seems to be the only thing between us and little man. On top of fundraising efforts, we will be applying for grants and loans. But I'm willing to sell a kidney to get him home with us if need be.
Oh, and our training of hotel living has paid off! Little man is from out of state, so we will have to live in a hotel for a few weeks before bringing him home. This is where having 145,000 hotel reward points pays off.
January 22nd seems so far away, but there is so much to do before then. We are asking for prayers that everything continues to go smoothly and that all of the pieces fall into place.
Every Christmas for the past 6 years, I have wondered if next Christmas might be the first Christmas we get to spend with our little one. It looks like I won't be wondering any more...
So "Happy" House Fire Anniversary everyone! It was indeed a part of God's plan for us. And just to be on the safe side, I will not be taking any calls from Gus today. :)
For those of you who haven't heard, December 8th we received the phone call we've been waiting for. We have been chosen by a birth mother, who is due with our baby boy on January 22nd! I was actually traveling for work that day, and was at my destination by the time I got off the phone with our social worker. Having clients to entertain and host, I wasn't able to call Gus with the news for about an hour. And I literally paced the floor for the entire hour until I was able to sneak away and call him. And we have both been gushing with joy and excitement since. :)
We are going to meet the birth mother on Friday. I am excited and extremely nervous all at the same time. But I know we already have one thing in common with her, we all love that baby boy to death! Yes, baby boy M. couldn't be loved or spoiled more by his parents to be. We have done some shopping (had to use the discount card while I still could), I know others have done the same, and he is lucky enough that his cousin was born in February, which will give us the right season hand me downs. My sister has already donated some big baby items to us as well. I think Gus and I are going to go register this weekend, as I have already heard talk of some baby showers.
Did you catch my comment earlier? I'm done with job #2!!!! There was way too much stuff to get done at home that wasn't going to get done if I was never around. Plus, the difference in pay wasn't going to get us to where we needed to be. And, I wanted to be able to spend some time with my husband, just the two of us, before #3 arrived. I'm pretty sure God knew I was at the end of my rope with the crazy schedule I had created. So he threw me a giant raft and said, "let go." So I did. Before getting the call, my next blog post was going to be about how I was sick and tired of being tired all of the time.
We are working on fundraising efforts as money seems to be the only thing between us and little man. On top of fundraising efforts, we will be applying for grants and loans. But I'm willing to sell a kidney to get him home with us if need be.
Oh, and our training of hotel living has paid off! Little man is from out of state, so we will have to live in a hotel for a few weeks before bringing him home. This is where having 145,000 hotel reward points pays off.
January 22nd seems so far away, but there is so much to do before then. We are asking for prayers that everything continues to go smoothly and that all of the pieces fall into place.
Every Christmas for the past 6 years, I have wondered if next Christmas might be the first Christmas we get to spend with our little one. It looks like I won't be wondering any more...
So "Happy" House Fire Anniversary everyone! It was indeed a part of God's plan for us. And just to be on the safe side, I will not be taking any calls from Gus today. :)
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
The truly thankful person is a truly peaceful person. They have made a habit no matter what to notice, pause and choose. ~ Lysa TerKeurst
I've decided to procrastinate on what I should be doing and finally get around to making my Thanksgiving post before I completely miss the holiday. I am currently impatiently awaiting the arrival of 2 more scenarios, so this may end up getting put on the back burner, but we will give it a shot. Speaking of scenarios, I have made the executive decisions that not too much information will be given about the scenarios. I have to remember that I could be potentially giving out very personal information about my, or any one's for that matter, child. So you won't get all of the "juicy details," but you will know enough to understand what this process is like for us.
Also, I've been meaning to mention a story that was shared at the conference we went to that has really been on my mind since then. I don't know if I have come right out and said in the blog yet, but Gus and I are open to adopting any race. A lady at the conference said she and her husband had adopted an African American boy. When he was a baby and younger, all of their friends and family thought he was so cute and just loved him. However, her son grew up and at about the age of 13 became interested in the daughter of one of their friends. She said she was so taken back by the fact that her friends suddenly had a problem with the race of her child. I'm still coming to grips with how our journey is effecting so many people. Not just the end result, but the actual journey itself. How many people have become so much more aware of adoption and everything involved with it? Obviously, the end result will not only impact our little family nucleus, but our extended families and all of our friends too. We've been lucky enough to have loads of support through all of this. People who love us for who we are not what we are. Exactly how I want my child to be loved.
Okay, time to get down to the thankful list:
Also, I've been meaning to mention a story that was shared at the conference we went to that has really been on my mind since then. I don't know if I have come right out and said in the blog yet, but Gus and I are open to adopting any race. A lady at the conference said she and her husband had adopted an African American boy. When he was a baby and younger, all of their friends and family thought he was so cute and just loved him. However, her son grew up and at about the age of 13 became interested in the daughter of one of their friends. She said she was so taken back by the fact that her friends suddenly had a problem with the race of her child. I'm still coming to grips with how our journey is effecting so many people. Not just the end result, but the actual journey itself. How many people have become so much more aware of adoption and everything involved with it? Obviously, the end result will not only impact our little family nucleus, but our extended families and all of our friends too. We've been lucky enough to have loads of support through all of this. People who love us for who we are not what we are. Exactly how I want my child to be loved.
Okay, time to get down to the thankful list:
- First of all, I'm so thankful to have a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to put me in circumstances that are changing me into the person He wants me to be. Ironic enough, those circumstances are responsible for a bulk of what will be on this list.
- The Springfield Fire Department - They were all so kind and respectful to us and our pets that day. They are definitely some of my heroes.
- For everyone (the list is way too long) who also responded that day. By either showing up at the house, calling, offering to take care of our pets, or offering to get us clothes and food and offering their homes as a place to stay. And then all of the help afterwords - meals, working at the house, taking care of our cat, and listening to us complain. :)
- For our home and the security system that was installed last week. I don't think I'm paranoid, but it is very good peace of mind. I didn't think it was going to happen to us, but it did. It is so good to be back! And it is so good to curl up on my pillow top mattress every night, with everyone under the same roof.
- For our jobs, especially the fact that they have been so understanding about all of our circumstances of the past couple of years. We couldn't ask for better employers, who understand that life outside of the office comes before life in the office. And as much as I complain about it, I'm even thankful for the second jobs, to have the opportunity to help make our dream come true. No pain, no gain, right?
- I'm thankful for our church and the wonderful people it has brought into our lives. And for speaking the truth in relevant ways.
- For the wonderful support of our family and friends, who have given so selflessly of their time and resources. Friends who have given hours of their time to help at the house, time they could have been sharing with their families. All of the support through encouraging words, prayers and donations towards the adoption. We have been blessed with so many people in our lives who stuck around through the tears as well as the laughter. We are truly blessed with amazing family and friends!
- For the wonderful people we have met along this journey. Our doctor and the staff at the IVF clinic will always have a special place in our hearts. Their compassion and concern for us went above and beyond what we could have expected. Regardless of the outcome, they have impacted and changed our lives. For the wonderful people at the adoption agency who now know a lot more about us than most of you. :) They helped us get this far, waiting to be matched!
- For our fur babies. They are great companions and have been great distractions. They are members of our family. And they are so darn CUTE!
- And of course, last but not least, I'm thankful for Gus. He has been my crutch through everything. It's easy to lean on someone when you know with out a doubt that they aren't going to let you fall. I'm thankful he provides for and protects me. I'm thankful he listens and I'm thankful he speaks truth into my life. I'm thankful he makes me laugh. I'm thankful he lets me cry. I'm thankful for every minute I get to spend with him, even though right now it doesn't feel like enough. I'm thankful he is my best friend and I'm thankful that, for some reason, he seems to really like me too!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Officially Waiting
Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We passed our home safety inspection last Friday, our home study was submitted on Monday, and we are officially a family in waiting! I just put the finishing touches on our profile books and ordered them as well. So hopefully, we will be ready when the opportunity knocks. We did get another scenario yesterday for a young girl who is due at the end of the month. It was the cleanest scenario we have seen (no drug/alcohol exposure, no major family medical issues), but the mom has already decided she is going to parent. Of course, we had excited/panic mode for a couple of hours, but settled down rather quickly once we realized it was a long shot. Our social worker told us she was leaning toward parenting, and with such a clean scenario, we figured she would have lots of profiles to choose from. So now we can say we have lived through our first "mind change."
It amazes me how perfectly orchestrated everything has to be to fall into place. The scenario has to be appealing to us to tell the agency to show our profile. Our short profile has to be appealing enough for the expectant mom to want to see our long profile. And our long profile has to have something in it that makes her say, "That's the people who are supposed to raise my baby!" I just have to keep reminding myself that every time we get "turned down" it is actually a good thing. OUR perfect baby is out there. And we are getting closer and closer to him/her. And it will happen, just the way God intends it to.
What else is going on...we are still LOVING being HOME!!! But that has brought a few issues as well. Mr. Nigel has decided that it is more fun to pee on the new carpet than in his litter box. So Mr. Nigel is now confined to the basement until Mr. Nigel can change his behavior. I don't think he has a UTI, he will pee in the box when he is in the basement. I think he is stressed/miffed about all of the moving/changes to the house and this is just his way of dealing with it. Since I'm not a kitty psychologist, I don't know how to fix it, I'm hoping he can fix it himself. Perhaps he should start a blog, it has worked wonders for me. Speaking of which, with the holidays fast approaching, it is very easy for me to start getting a little blue. So I have decided to do an annual Thanksgiving post of all of the wonderful blessings I do have to help direct my thoughts to happier places. So stay tuned for that...
My hours have ramped up again at job #2, which means I'm back to being tired all of the time and having no life again. And I think I'm starting to get sick. Gus is still plugging away at projects at the house, and working his two jobs. And Noah is mad that I put his toys in a box. So that is the update on everyone at our house. Oh, and by the way...I'm considering us expectant parents now. And the coolest part is, it could happen at ANY time now. Gus if you are reading this...just breath. :)
It amazes me how perfectly orchestrated everything has to be to fall into place. The scenario has to be appealing to us to tell the agency to show our profile. Our short profile has to be appealing enough for the expectant mom to want to see our long profile. And our long profile has to have something in it that makes her say, "That's the people who are supposed to raise my baby!" I just have to keep reminding myself that every time we get "turned down" it is actually a good thing. OUR perfect baby is out there. And we are getting closer and closer to him/her. And it will happen, just the way God intends it to.
What else is going on...we are still LOVING being HOME!!! But that has brought a few issues as well. Mr. Nigel has decided that it is more fun to pee on the new carpet than in his litter box. So Mr. Nigel is now confined to the basement until Mr. Nigel can change his behavior. I don't think he has a UTI, he will pee in the box when he is in the basement. I think he is stressed/miffed about all of the moving/changes to the house and this is just his way of dealing with it. Since I'm not a kitty psychologist, I don't know how to fix it, I'm hoping he can fix it himself. Perhaps he should start a blog, it has worked wonders for me. Speaking of which, with the holidays fast approaching, it is very easy for me to start getting a little blue. So I have decided to do an annual Thanksgiving post of all of the wonderful blessings I do have to help direct my thoughts to happier places. So stay tuned for that...
My hours have ramped up again at job #2, which means I'm back to being tired all of the time and having no life again. And I think I'm starting to get sick. Gus is still plugging away at projects at the house, and working his two jobs. And Noah is mad that I put his toys in a box. So that is the update on everyone at our house. Oh, and by the way...I'm considering us expectant parents now. And the coolest part is, it could happen at ANY time now. Gus if you are reading this...just breath. :)
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
There's No Place Like Home
MOVING DAY IS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are FINALLY going home! Carpet went in on Monday, and looks awesome! It is amazing how much flooring makes a difference. The upstairs went from being a work zone to looking like a home just from the carpet going in. I forgot to snap a few pictures when I was over there, but I will get a few taken in the next few days and hopefully get them posted here soon.
The first time we moved into our house was in mid to late October, and now we are moving back in in late October. I'm sure we made God chuckle out loud when we bought that house. He we were, a young naive couple, thinking we could remodel the house ourselves and then fill it with children. We all know how that story played out. We are NOT "Do It Yourself" kind of people, and seven years later, the only "children" to roam the house are four legged and furry. I can't believe we moved there seven years ago. I also can't believe how great the house looks. I told Gus yesterday that it is hard to believe that OUR house is that beautiful. We can't wait to get back in and enjoy it!!! 2 more sleeps!!! The restoration company is giving it a good cleaning today and tomorrow and then they will be there Friday morning with our stuff. I'm a little afraid how the animals are going to react. I'm not sure if they will remember and put two and two together or not. If I was stuck in a burning house thinking I was going to die, I would remember. But hopefully their little pea brains have moved on to much nicer thoughts since then.
We plan on having an open house once we get settled, especially to thank everyone who has helped us over the last 10 1/2 months. There are so many people who gave us their time, knowledge, skills, connections, resources, and meals. Some of which we didn't even meet until they showed up to help out. There have been so many times through this whole journey that people have simply amazed me and restored my faith in humanity. I've also realized what I've taken for granted. That two story house is more than a building, it is our home. I haven't exactly been in the holiday spirit the last couple of years, so Christmas decorations never came out of the attic. But you better believe that our home will be decorated this year, with whatever survived the fire and the decorations that have already been donated to us.
Gus had someone recently tell him that the day of the fire must have been the worst day ever. We both thought about it and said that it was up there, but definitely not the worst day ever. It was scary, especially before I knew the pets were okay. I found out before I got there that Noah was alright, but I was still on edge until there was a Nigel sighting. We had other things on our minds that day. Things that mattered more to us than if our belongings were gone. Perhaps both situations acted as a numbing agent for the other. God works in mysterious ways.
On a side note, do you think the Lifetime Network would be interested in purchasing our story? I think that would be one heck of an adoption fundraiser idea. :)
We are FINALLY going home! Carpet went in on Monday, and looks awesome! It is amazing how much flooring makes a difference. The upstairs went from being a work zone to looking like a home just from the carpet going in. I forgot to snap a few pictures when I was over there, but I will get a few taken in the next few days and hopefully get them posted here soon.
The first time we moved into our house was in mid to late October, and now we are moving back in in late October. I'm sure we made God chuckle out loud when we bought that house. He we were, a young naive couple, thinking we could remodel the house ourselves and then fill it with children. We all know how that story played out. We are NOT "Do It Yourself" kind of people, and seven years later, the only "children" to roam the house are four legged and furry. I can't believe we moved there seven years ago. I also can't believe how great the house looks. I told Gus yesterday that it is hard to believe that OUR house is that beautiful. We can't wait to get back in and enjoy it!!! 2 more sleeps!!! The restoration company is giving it a good cleaning today and tomorrow and then they will be there Friday morning with our stuff. I'm a little afraid how the animals are going to react. I'm not sure if they will remember and put two and two together or not. If I was stuck in a burning house thinking I was going to die, I would remember. But hopefully their little pea brains have moved on to much nicer thoughts since then.
We plan on having an open house once we get settled, especially to thank everyone who has helped us over the last 10 1/2 months. There are so many people who gave us their time, knowledge, skills, connections, resources, and meals. Some of which we didn't even meet until they showed up to help out. There have been so many times through this whole journey that people have simply amazed me and restored my faith in humanity. I've also realized what I've taken for granted. That two story house is more than a building, it is our home. I haven't exactly been in the holiday spirit the last couple of years, so Christmas decorations never came out of the attic. But you better believe that our home will be decorated this year, with whatever survived the fire and the decorations that have already been donated to us.
Gus had someone recently tell him that the day of the fire must have been the worst day ever. We both thought about it and said that it was up there, but definitely not the worst day ever. It was scary, especially before I knew the pets were okay. I found out before I got there that Noah was alright, but I was still on edge until there was a Nigel sighting. We had other things on our minds that day. Things that mattered more to us than if our belongings were gone. Perhaps both situations acted as a numbing agent for the other. God works in mysterious ways.
On a side note, do you think the Lifetime Network would be interested in purchasing our story? I think that would be one heck of an adoption fundraiser idea. :)
Sunday, October 23, 2011
One Nervous Puppy
Well, it has been a little while since I've given an update, but that is because we have been BUSY!
About a week and a half ago, I got Depo shot number 2 and so far it has been a wonder drug. All of the side effects I wanted, I got and I haven't had any of the ones I didn't want, yet. Hopefully, it will stay that way!
All of our home study interviews are done! We just have to have the home safety check once we get back in to the house. Which means I really need to get moving on our profiles. The short profile is done. Most of the pictures for the long profile are set in the format in our book on shutterfly, I just need to write the captions for the photos and write the "Dear Birthmother" letter. But, every time I think about writing it, my mind gets too active about how it needs to be perfect and how so much is riding on it that I get writers block. I know I just need to get the rough draft done and work on tweaking it. So hopefully after the move it will just all fall in to place.
Did you catch that? I said after the move!!! If everything goes to plan, we will be moving this coming weekend. Carpet should go in tomorrow, the restoration company should be there to clean on Wednesday and Thursday, and then hopefully move our stuff in on Friday. :) I plan to start taking some time off of job #1 to get us settled, as Gus has been taking all of his time off to get the house ready to move back in to. My hours have been cut at job #2, not sure why, starting this week, but it is working out perfectly with our time line for moving, so I'm not complaining too much yet.
That brings me to my title for today. I've been packing up our hotel room and taking boxes over to the house. The poor dog doesn't have a clue what is going on, but it is making him extremely nervous. And to be honest, it is making me sad. Not that I'm sad to be leaving the hotel, but now that I've taken the things that have made this room "home" for the last 10 months back to our real home, I guess I'm just sad that we had to live in a hotel room for that long. It feels as weird as it did the first week to think that "home" was a hotel room.
We also got another large donation last week, so we are now really close to being 30% of the way to our goal!! Once the move is over, we should have more time to work on planning the fundraiser. We are hoping to be able to pull it off in January.
We are also starting to SLOWLY accumulate some baby things. That cold call scenario really opened our eyes, so we decided we should have a few things on hand in case it really does happen that quickly. I won't want to be stopping any where on our way to pick up our child to get a car seat instead of heading straight to meet him or her. I don't plan on setting up the nursery yet, but I think it would be good to have a few things on hand.
Hopefully, the next blog update will come from our HOUSE!!!!! :) :) :)
About a week and a half ago, I got Depo shot number 2 and so far it has been a wonder drug. All of the side effects I wanted, I got and I haven't had any of the ones I didn't want, yet. Hopefully, it will stay that way!
All of our home study interviews are done! We just have to have the home safety check once we get back in to the house. Which means I really need to get moving on our profiles. The short profile is done. Most of the pictures for the long profile are set in the format in our book on shutterfly, I just need to write the captions for the photos and write the "Dear Birthmother" letter. But, every time I think about writing it, my mind gets too active about how it needs to be perfect and how so much is riding on it that I get writers block. I know I just need to get the rough draft done and work on tweaking it. So hopefully after the move it will just all fall in to place.
Did you catch that? I said after the move!!! If everything goes to plan, we will be moving this coming weekend. Carpet should go in tomorrow, the restoration company should be there to clean on Wednesday and Thursday, and then hopefully move our stuff in on Friday. :) I plan to start taking some time off of job #1 to get us settled, as Gus has been taking all of his time off to get the house ready to move back in to. My hours have been cut at job #2, not sure why, starting this week, but it is working out perfectly with our time line for moving, so I'm not complaining too much yet.
That brings me to my title for today. I've been packing up our hotel room and taking boxes over to the house. The poor dog doesn't have a clue what is going on, but it is making him extremely nervous. And to be honest, it is making me sad. Not that I'm sad to be leaving the hotel, but now that I've taken the things that have made this room "home" for the last 10 months back to our real home, I guess I'm just sad that we had to live in a hotel room for that long. It feels as weird as it did the first week to think that "home" was a hotel room.
We also got another large donation last week, so we are now really close to being 30% of the way to our goal!! Once the move is over, we should have more time to work on planning the fundraiser. We are hoping to be able to pull it off in January.
We are also starting to SLOWLY accumulate some baby things. That cold call scenario really opened our eyes, so we decided we should have a few things on hand in case it really does happen that quickly. I won't want to be stopping any where on our way to pick up our child to get a car seat instead of heading straight to meet him or her. I don't plan on setting up the nursery yet, but I think it would be good to have a few things on hand.
Hopefully, the next blog update will come from our HOUSE!!!!! :) :) :)
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Just What I Needed to Hear This Morning
Found this in my inbox this morning. Cried while reading the whole thing.
October 18, 2011
Tired of Waiting on God
Tracie Miles
"Isaac was sixty years old when Rebekah gave birth to them." Genesis 25:26b (NIV)
Do you ever get tired of waiting on God to answer your prayers? Recently, I began to feel a sense of frustration with the wait, and also a little bit tired.
Tired of saying the same old prayer day after day, month after month, year after year. Tired of telling God about the same old problems still going on. Tired of hearing myself pray about the same old problems, leading me to wonder if God was as tired of hearing my prayer requests as I was of praying them.
So I bowed my head and admitted to God that I was simply tired of the wait.
In a heavy state of emotional tiredness, I turned to the crisp, white pages of my Bible. I was hoping God would illuminate a few verses that would jump out of the book and straight into my heart.
I began reading about when Isaac's wife Rebekah gave birth to twin sons. One particular sentence caught my eye and I read it again and again. My heart leapt as I realized God was using this one little sentence to speak hope into my spirit. He used His spiritual highlighter just as I had wanted.
Genesis 25:26 tells us that Isaac was sixty years old when his twins were born; a simple Bible fact, yet profoundly meaningful to me on this specific day. You see, Isaac had been patient for the Lord to provide the perfect wife; he was forty years old when he married Rebekah. If you do the math you realize Isaac waited twenty years for Rebekah to bear him children! He could have chosen a concubine to bear him a son. But he was a man of great patience who waited on God. Eventually his patient faith was rewarded.
Isaac never gave up hope that his Lord could make the impossible, possible. He had learned that his Lord would provide. So he continued to pray the same desperate prayer for a son, day after day, month after month, year after year. In fact, we learn in Genesis 25:21 that "Isaac pleaded with the Lord" (NLT), meaning he earnestly and strongly prayed about his problem. He did not half-heartedly ask God for a son, he pleaded! He begged. He poured his heart out.
I can envision Isaac passionately pleading to God throughout those twenty years, with out-stretched arms and a tear-stained face pressed against the hot, dirty soil, begging God to answer his prayer.
Isaac was surely tired of the wait, but he never stopped praying or believing that his dreams could come true. And in God's perfect timing, they did.
If you are tired of the wait, you may be pleading to God just like Isaac. It may take twenty years for God to answer our prayers, or it may only take twenty minutes. But today, let us find comfort in remembering Isaac's patient faith and take hope in believing that God is not tired of hearing our prayers. Instead, He is simply waiting for the perfect time to answer.
Dear Lord, please help me have patience and faith while I wait to hear from You. Help me live in excited anticipation for the day when I will see how You answer my prayers. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Power Verses:
Psalm 27:14, "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." (NIV)
Isaiah 40:31, "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (KJV)
October 18, 2011
Tired of Waiting on God
Tracie Miles
"Isaac was sixty years old when Rebekah gave birth to them." Genesis 25:26b (NIV)
Do you ever get tired of waiting on God to answer your prayers? Recently, I began to feel a sense of frustration with the wait, and also a little bit tired.
Tired of saying the same old prayer day after day, month after month, year after year. Tired of telling God about the same old problems still going on. Tired of hearing myself pray about the same old problems, leading me to wonder if God was as tired of hearing my prayer requests as I was of praying them.
So I bowed my head and admitted to God that I was simply tired of the wait.
In a heavy state of emotional tiredness, I turned to the crisp, white pages of my Bible. I was hoping God would illuminate a few verses that would jump out of the book and straight into my heart.
I began reading about when Isaac's wife Rebekah gave birth to twin sons. One particular sentence caught my eye and I read it again and again. My heart leapt as I realized God was using this one little sentence to speak hope into my spirit. He used His spiritual highlighter just as I had wanted.
Genesis 25:26 tells us that Isaac was sixty years old when his twins were born; a simple Bible fact, yet profoundly meaningful to me on this specific day. You see, Isaac had been patient for the Lord to provide the perfect wife; he was forty years old when he married Rebekah. If you do the math you realize Isaac waited twenty years for Rebekah to bear him children! He could have chosen a concubine to bear him a son. But he was a man of great patience who waited on God. Eventually his patient faith was rewarded.
Isaac never gave up hope that his Lord could make the impossible, possible. He had learned that his Lord would provide. So he continued to pray the same desperate prayer for a son, day after day, month after month, year after year. In fact, we learn in Genesis 25:21 that "Isaac pleaded with the Lord" (NLT), meaning he earnestly and strongly prayed about his problem. He did not half-heartedly ask God for a son, he pleaded! He begged. He poured his heart out.
I can envision Isaac passionately pleading to God throughout those twenty years, with out-stretched arms and a tear-stained face pressed against the hot, dirty soil, begging God to answer his prayer.
Isaac was surely tired of the wait, but he never stopped praying or believing that his dreams could come true. And in God's perfect timing, they did.
If you are tired of the wait, you may be pleading to God just like Isaac. It may take twenty years for God to answer our prayers, or it may only take twenty minutes. But today, let us find comfort in remembering Isaac's patient faith and take hope in believing that God is not tired of hearing our prayers. Instead, He is simply waiting for the perfect time to answer.
Dear Lord, please help me have patience and faith while I wait to hear from You. Help me live in excited anticipation for the day when I will see how You answer my prayers. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Power Verses:
Psalm 27:14, "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." (NIV)
Isaiah 40:31, "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (KJV)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Guilt & the Word 'No"
First of all, let me start by saying that the great carpet fiasco of 2011 appears to be over. We have been to 3 places and picked out carpet 3 times, and we have finally got it ordered. It is scheduled to be installed next Wednesday. So all we will have left are loose ends and the final cleaning from the restoration company, and it looks like we will be back home by November 1st!
Secondly, I'm not sure if I have fully explained how the adoption process is going to work from here. Once the home study is done, we will start receiving scenarios of birth parents looking for adoptive families. They will give us some background information, we can decide if we want more information and then give them a "yes, show them our profile," or a "no, don't show them our profile." If we opt to have our profile shown, we will then obviously be contacted on whether or not the birth parents have chosen us and the next step from there. They also have "cold calls," which means a baby has already been born, is at the hospital, and is in need of an adoptive family.
I've already mentioned that our social worker told us that this was going to be a bumpy road emotionally, and that she has told us that a cold call leaves you with zero time to prepare. Well, we got a taste of both last night. We received an email with a cold call scenario. We are far enough along in the home study process, and due to the situation, they wanted to give this baby every opportunity possible, so they added us to the scenario list. This baby is at the hospital waiting for a family so it can be discharged. The baby has some major medical complications, is terminal, and isn't expected to make it more than 2 years. Now, when we filled out our preference sheet for the adoption agency, we had already said we would not be open to taking a child with major medical issues. And just by checking the box, we had guilty feelings associated with our decision. Now, put an actual child in the mix and my guilty feelings sky rocketed. We went through the excitement of getting our first scenario to extreme quilt in about three minutes flat. We know we do not have the resources to be able to care for such a child. I know deep down in my heart, I don't want to intentionally fall in love with a baby that will be gone way too quickly. We feel we are not the best match to handle this baby's needs. However, in the back of my mind, I keep saying, if we were able to conceive and give birth to this exact baby, we would take it home, love it, and LEARN daily how to handle the baby's needs. We are not able to conceive, so we are plagued with the power to choose.
I have been praying for peace for the birth parents decisions...I think I need to add peace for our decisions to the list. I'm beginning to understand a world few will ever experience first hand, and it makes me extremely sad.
Secondly, I'm not sure if I have fully explained how the adoption process is going to work from here. Once the home study is done, we will start receiving scenarios of birth parents looking for adoptive families. They will give us some background information, we can decide if we want more information and then give them a "yes, show them our profile," or a "no, don't show them our profile." If we opt to have our profile shown, we will then obviously be contacted on whether or not the birth parents have chosen us and the next step from there. They also have "cold calls," which means a baby has already been born, is at the hospital, and is in need of an adoptive family.
I've already mentioned that our social worker told us that this was going to be a bumpy road emotionally, and that she has told us that a cold call leaves you with zero time to prepare. Well, we got a taste of both last night. We received an email with a cold call scenario. We are far enough along in the home study process, and due to the situation, they wanted to give this baby every opportunity possible, so they added us to the scenario list. This baby is at the hospital waiting for a family so it can be discharged. The baby has some major medical complications, is terminal, and isn't expected to make it more than 2 years. Now, when we filled out our preference sheet for the adoption agency, we had already said we would not be open to taking a child with major medical issues. And just by checking the box, we had guilty feelings associated with our decision. Now, put an actual child in the mix and my guilty feelings sky rocketed. We went through the excitement of getting our first scenario to extreme quilt in about three minutes flat. We know we do not have the resources to be able to care for such a child. I know deep down in my heart, I don't want to intentionally fall in love with a baby that will be gone way too quickly. We feel we are not the best match to handle this baby's needs. However, in the back of my mind, I keep saying, if we were able to conceive and give birth to this exact baby, we would take it home, love it, and LEARN daily how to handle the baby's needs. We are not able to conceive, so we are plagued with the power to choose.
I have been praying for peace for the birth parents decisions...I think I need to add peace for our decisions to the list. I'm beginning to understand a world few will ever experience first hand, and it makes me extremely sad.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
1/4 of the Way There
The conference last weekend was AMAZING! We are so glad we had the chance to go and so thankful we got to go prior to a child being placed in our home. So many of the families there were trying to dig themselves out of difficult spots, and it made me feel so blessed to be on the preventative end of things for once. If I had to pick one thing to pass on to whoever reads this blog, I guess it would be that ALL adopted children are "at-risk" children. It doesn't matter if the birth mother had full prenatal care and never exposed the child to drugs or alcohol, that child will still have obstacles to overcome. Dealing with "at-risk" children takes time, energy, and a plan. We were lucky enough to learn all of this prior to having an "out of control" child running around our house. We have learned some pretty cool parenting methods that we can't wait to start practicing.
Home study interview #2 was last night, and we survived again. I don't want to ruin all of the surprises for anyone who may stumble upon this blog who is in the adoption process, but if you want to know more, I'm willing to talk about it.
Our list of things to do is growing. I managed to finish one of my books over the weekend, so I just have one left to go. Plus we have to start working on our profiles which will be shown to birth mothers to choose which family they place their child with. And we need to work on our fundraiser. Our social worker said with our openness of what children we are willing to take, we probably won't be waiting very long. And if we are chosen by a "cold call," we will have ZERO time to plan anything. She did tell me to continue to expect a rollercoaster ride of emotions from here on out, that she didn't know too many couples who had an easy journey from here.
However, we are now 25% of the way to our goal!!!!! We received another hefty donation this week, which is truely humbling. We have been blessed with so many amazing people in our lives! I can't wait for Sammich to meet every single one of them!!!
Home study interview #2 was last night, and we survived again. I don't want to ruin all of the surprises for anyone who may stumble upon this blog who is in the adoption process, but if you want to know more, I'm willing to talk about it.
Our list of things to do is growing. I managed to finish one of my books over the weekend, so I just have one left to go. Plus we have to start working on our profiles which will be shown to birth mothers to choose which family they place their child with. And we need to work on our fundraiser. Our social worker said with our openness of what children we are willing to take, we probably won't be waiting very long. And if we are chosen by a "cold call," we will have ZERO time to plan anything. She did tell me to continue to expect a rollercoaster ride of emotions from here on out, that she didn't know too many couples who had an easy journey from here.
However, we are now 25% of the way to our goal!!!!! We received another hefty donation this week, which is truely humbling. We have been blessed with so many amazing people in our lives! I can't wait for Sammich to meet every single one of them!!!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
A Big Week for the Martins
We have had an exciting week so far! First of all, we survived our first home study interview last night! Not nearly as bad as I imagined, but we still have 2 more to go. Ironically, I received a phone call last night in the middle of it. My phone was across the room, so we just let it ring and continued on with our conversation. After our social worker left (side note, the girl in training had jury duty yesterday, so it looks like we will just have our usual social worker for the home study!), I looked to see who had called, and it was the IVF clinic. When I listened to the message I was surprised to hear that it was the doctor himself calling. He just wanted to check on us to see how we were doing and if we were settled back in the house yet. I was really touched by that.
Speaking of doctors, I have to get more information for the adoption agency because of all of my medical issues. I need to get two letters from two different doctors describing diagnosis, treatment & compliance with treatment, medication and dosage, impact on life expectancy, and impact on ability to parent. When I called to request the first letter, the woman taking the message asked if she could make a comment. I said sure and she responded with, "seriously...this is ridiculous!" I explained that we had a whole list of hoops to jump through but she was just stuck on how crazy this letter request was. But if you think about it, we will be wanting the medical history of the birth parents of our child. Not real sure how "fair" it is, it doesn't feel very fair when it is requested of you, but again, we don't have the pleasure of doing this the easy way.
We are looking forward to our trip to Nashville, which begins tomorrow morning! Four whole days of traveling, fun, and learning! And we found out last night that this will pretty much be all the training required of us from here on out. We both have 2 books to finish prior to home study finalization, but that will be it!! Woohoo!!!!
This last part, I normally wouldn't advertise, but I'm pretty excited about it. On Monday morning, I received a promotion at work. (My real job, not job #2, so this is big news!) I am no longer the Operations Analyst, I am now the Operations Manager. For the first time in my life, I have the title of manager behind my name. I even get my own employee to "manage." Our Office Manger retired, so when we replace her, the new employee will report to me. I feel so grown up. :)
Anyway, I received an email from the people doing the conference this weekend, and they asked that I share this video with family and friends. So if you are interested is learning more about what we will be learning about, give it a watch:
Speaking of doctors, I have to get more information for the adoption agency because of all of my medical issues. I need to get two letters from two different doctors describing diagnosis, treatment & compliance with treatment, medication and dosage, impact on life expectancy, and impact on ability to parent. When I called to request the first letter, the woman taking the message asked if she could make a comment. I said sure and she responded with, "seriously...this is ridiculous!" I explained that we had a whole list of hoops to jump through but she was just stuck on how crazy this letter request was. But if you think about it, we will be wanting the medical history of the birth parents of our child. Not real sure how "fair" it is, it doesn't feel very fair when it is requested of you, but again, we don't have the pleasure of doing this the easy way.
We are looking forward to our trip to Nashville, which begins tomorrow morning! Four whole days of traveling, fun, and learning! And we found out last night that this will pretty much be all the training required of us from here on out. We both have 2 books to finish prior to home study finalization, but that will be it!! Woohoo!!!!
This last part, I normally wouldn't advertise, but I'm pretty excited about it. On Monday morning, I received a promotion at work. (My real job, not job #2, so this is big news!) I am no longer the Operations Analyst, I am now the Operations Manager. For the first time in my life, I have the title of manager behind my name. I even get my own employee to "manage." Our Office Manger retired, so when we replace her, the new employee will report to me. I feel so grown up. :)
Anyway, I received an email from the people doing the conference this weekend, and they asked that I share this video with family and friends. So if you are interested is learning more about what we will be learning about, give it a watch:
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
It's That Time of Year Again...
Football season is upon us, and that means weekly bets with the hubs over whose Fantasy Football team will do the best. This past week, my team "Powderpuff Football" dominated his Team "Bears South" winning 126.10 to 104.98. Ouch! What does this mean? That Gus will be doing the laundry this weekend! Which is awesome, because this is my last 30+ hour week at job #2 and I'm working everyday from yesterday through Monday. So, not having to fit the laundry in is going to be LOVELY!!! Better luck next week Babe! :)
Other exciting things going on:
1) Home study starts on Tuesday!!! Yes, I'm excited and nervous all at the same time, but I just read a chapter in my current required reading selection on what to expect during the home study, and I'm feeling more at ease over it now. The list of questions to expect was what I really wanted to know, and I know it wasn't a complete list, but when you know someone is going to be prying into your life, it's nice to have an idea of what they will be digging for.
2) Next Thursday, we will be Nashville bound for our adoption conference. Looking forward to the mini-vacation and spending some much needed time together. Looking forward to the conference too. One of the books I read already was by the woman putting the conference on, and I think we will learn a lot.
3) No, we aren't back home yet. Our estimate of mid-September is now being pushed to early October. The hard wood floors are taking much longer than expected (surprise, surprise) and we are waiting on the carpet too. Once those two pieces are done, the restoration company will come back and clean the whole house from top to bottom and then they will move all of our stuff back in. I CAN'T WAIT!
Other exciting things going on:
1) Home study starts on Tuesday!!! Yes, I'm excited and nervous all at the same time, but I just read a chapter in my current required reading selection on what to expect during the home study, and I'm feeling more at ease over it now. The list of questions to expect was what I really wanted to know, and I know it wasn't a complete list, but when you know someone is going to be prying into your life, it's nice to have an idea of what they will be digging for.
2) Next Thursday, we will be Nashville bound for our adoption conference. Looking forward to the mini-vacation and spending some much needed time together. Looking forward to the conference too. One of the books I read already was by the woman putting the conference on, and I think we will learn a lot.
3) No, we aren't back home yet. Our estimate of mid-September is now being pushed to early October. The hard wood floors are taking much longer than expected (surprise, surprise) and we are waiting on the carpet too. Once those two pieces are done, the restoration company will come back and clean the whole house from top to bottom and then they will move all of our stuff back in. I CAN'T WAIT!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
There Are Butterflies In My Tummy
I got a call yesterday from our social worker. The Director has reviewed our file and handed it off to her. She is half way through it and will be handing it off to their Springfield employee to set up our home study! She called to let me know that our process is going to be a little different than most peoples. She would normally let the Springfield employee do the home study on her own, but she is new, so our social worker will be there as well. She wanted to let us know because she said it can be overwhelming to have two of them there, but they aren't gaining up on us. :) We also talked about the progress at the house and she said we could do the 3-4 interviews at the hotel, as long as she could get in to do the safety check at the house before the report was finished being typed, which takes about 3 weeks. So now I'm nervous. I'm sure there will be nothing to worry about. And I know they are looking for real families, not perfect families, but my perfectionism and self-esteem issues get ramped up when I know someone is evaluating me. I'm going to need lots of deep breaths and prayers over the coming weeks.
My source tells me that the floors downstairs have been sanded and they are starting to sand the staircase today. Getting carpet is proving to be harder than it needs to be. Long story, but nothing seems to be quick and easy with this house.
My availability has been updated at job #2! So I just need to get through this week, and next week of 32 hours there and then things should calm down a little. I need to get my days off approved for our Nashville trip. They have been submitted since June, but of course no one looked to see if there were any out there before making the schedule, so now I have to back track to get the time off.
I received an email from a friend, and I hope she doesn't mind that I'm sharing a piece of it with everyone else. She too has had a battle with infertility, but with treatments, she had a beautiful little girl, and she is currently pregnant again, without any treatments this time!!!! Anyway, she wrote this and it made my heart and face smile:
"You wrote a while back about people asking about the adoption process and all the excitement and how it was so similar to being pregnant and people asking questions all the time. I was just thinking that your exhausted, emotional state is exactly how I feel when pregnant. Teary for no reason. Tired to the bone every day. Angry and emotional and overjoyed and heavy in the head from one minute to the next. You're right there! It's all leading up to the same moment for both of us. :)"
After reading that, and then thinking about the phone call I got yesterday that the home study was in the works, and how my feelings started to churn from anxious to excited to thinking the "what ifs," I started to imagine how the call I get from our social worker telling us we have been "picked" is going to feel. There will be relief, excitement, joy...and then remembering that on average, couples experience about 2 failed placements before getting a permanent placement, the fear, doubt, and attempts to not get too excited will creep in. Instead of nesting and getting the nursery ready, we will be flying by the seat of our pants, perhaps going to the hospital for the birth, but still not knowing if we will come home with a new member to our family. Now I know what the emotional ups and downs of the past few years have been preparing us for. Perhaps we will have a few downs, but I'm sure at the end of this we will have one giant up and then you will all have to listen to me ramble about how my kid is the best and look at the gazillion pictures I posted each day.
Here's another random thought, there is a family of cats living in the drain/sewer system by the hotel. There are about 4 or 5 kittens, and they are adorable. They make me miss Nigel, but they make me smile every time I see them, which isn't real often because I usually have Barky McBarkerson with me. You know you have lived in a hotel too long, when your dog is on edge 24/7. I can take him out, and the minute I open our door he is barking at no one. He will look down the hall and bark like there is someone there, and there isn't. He's going crazy!
My source tells me that the floors downstairs have been sanded and they are starting to sand the staircase today. Getting carpet is proving to be harder than it needs to be. Long story, but nothing seems to be quick and easy with this house.
My availability has been updated at job #2! So I just need to get through this week, and next week of 32 hours there and then things should calm down a little. I need to get my days off approved for our Nashville trip. They have been submitted since June, but of course no one looked to see if there were any out there before making the schedule, so now I have to back track to get the time off.
I received an email from a friend, and I hope she doesn't mind that I'm sharing a piece of it with everyone else. She too has had a battle with infertility, but with treatments, she had a beautiful little girl, and she is currently pregnant again, without any treatments this time!!!! Anyway, she wrote this and it made my heart and face smile:
"You wrote a while back about people asking about the adoption process and all the excitement and how it was so similar to being pregnant and people asking questions all the time. I was just thinking that your exhausted, emotional state is exactly how I feel when pregnant. Teary for no reason. Tired to the bone every day. Angry and emotional and overjoyed and heavy in the head from one minute to the next. You're right there! It's all leading up to the same moment for both of us. :)"
After reading that, and then thinking about the phone call I got yesterday that the home study was in the works, and how my feelings started to churn from anxious to excited to thinking the "what ifs," I started to imagine how the call I get from our social worker telling us we have been "picked" is going to feel. There will be relief, excitement, joy...and then remembering that on average, couples experience about 2 failed placements before getting a permanent placement, the fear, doubt, and attempts to not get too excited will creep in. Instead of nesting and getting the nursery ready, we will be flying by the seat of our pants, perhaps going to the hospital for the birth, but still not knowing if we will come home with a new member to our family. Now I know what the emotional ups and downs of the past few years have been preparing us for. Perhaps we will have a few downs, but I'm sure at the end of this we will have one giant up and then you will all have to listen to me ramble about how my kid is the best and look at the gazillion pictures I posted each day.
Here's another random thought, there is a family of cats living in the drain/sewer system by the hotel. There are about 4 or 5 kittens, and they are adorable. They make me miss Nigel, but they make me smile every time I see them, which isn't real often because I usually have Barky McBarkerson with me. You know you have lived in a hotel too long, when your dog is on edge 24/7. I can take him out, and the minute I open our door he is barking at no one. He will look down the hall and bark like there is someone there, and there isn't. He's going crazy!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Gus was right...
Several months ago, Gus said if things had gone the way we would have liked with the December IVF cycle, that we would be bringing our baby or babies "home" to a hotel. And he was right. The twins would be almost a month old by now and if it would have resulted in a single embryo pregnancy, he or she would have been due last Friday, the 26th. I could be on maternity leave right now, instead of putting in a 15 hour day today. But for some reason, that wasn't the plan or path for us.
Is being too tired a good enough reason to cry? When I get tired, I get really emotional. I've had many instances where my eyes have filled up with tears for no reason at all, other than being extremely tired made whatever was going on seem a ton worse, but then I was actually too tired to follow through and cry.
House update - with a lot of kicking and screaming on Gus' end, there is actually someone at our house today to start working on the floors. We were given three dates already that fell through, so I was happy to see the van there today when I went to drop off a check for the HVAC guy. Yeah, our air conditioners don't work. BOTH of them aren't working. We have awesome luck!
I applied for a new part-time job. I saw an ad that caught my eye. A social service agency was looking for someone to transport children from their foster homes to their periodic visits with their parents, so I sent in an application. It would be all evenings and weekends, but the only problem would be the same if I worked at an animal shelter, I would want to bring them all home with me. :) But I think it would be a great experience, and could open all kinds of doors for the future. I'm 110% sure that this story doesn't end when we get Sammich. There will be some kind of foster/adoption/orphan care volunteering/work/advocacy coming from all of this on my end. It might be after Sammich is grown or it might be the day after we bring him/her home, but it is quickly becoming something I am passionate about doing.
Still waiting on my availability to get updated at job #2. Hoping the next schedule they make will reflect my changes, because until then, they have me working 30+ hours each week. Keeping my fingers crossed!
3 more weeks until our Nashville trip! We are going down there for an adoption conference that will count toward credit hours for our continued training. Looking forward to getting away again. I'm really starting to regret that we cancelled our cruise. STUPID MOUSE!!!!!!!
Is being too tired a good enough reason to cry? When I get tired, I get really emotional. I've had many instances where my eyes have filled up with tears for no reason at all, other than being extremely tired made whatever was going on seem a ton worse, but then I was actually too tired to follow through and cry.
House update - with a lot of kicking and screaming on Gus' end, there is actually someone at our house today to start working on the floors. We were given three dates already that fell through, so I was happy to see the van there today when I went to drop off a check for the HVAC guy. Yeah, our air conditioners don't work. BOTH of them aren't working. We have awesome luck!
I applied for a new part-time job. I saw an ad that caught my eye. A social service agency was looking for someone to transport children from their foster homes to their periodic visits with their parents, so I sent in an application. It would be all evenings and weekends, but the only problem would be the same if I worked at an animal shelter, I would want to bring them all home with me. :) But I think it would be a great experience, and could open all kinds of doors for the future. I'm 110% sure that this story doesn't end when we get Sammich. There will be some kind of foster/adoption/orphan care volunteering/work/advocacy coming from all of this on my end. It might be after Sammich is grown or it might be the day after we bring him/her home, but it is quickly becoming something I am passionate about doing.
Still waiting on my availability to get updated at job #2. Hoping the next schedule they make will reflect my changes, because until then, they have me working 30+ hours each week. Keeping my fingers crossed!
3 more weeks until our Nashville trip! We are going down there for an adoption conference that will count toward credit hours for our continued training. Looking forward to getting away again. I'm really starting to regret that we cancelled our cruise. STUPID MOUSE!!!!!!!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
A Request and Dedication and a Few Other Things
So Gus and I had a conversation the other day about when our book reports were due. I said sometime at the end of August. He suggested I find out for sure, and I'm glad he did. I found out late Monday afternoon that all paperwork, including book reports were due on August 25th. So we did some rearranging of schedules and spent all day yesterday reading and getting the book reports done. Gus whipped out two reports and I read the remaining 330 pages I had left in my last book and wrote my last report at 8pm last night. I got everything emailed off today, to receive a phone call that there were 3 required books and the rest were additional books to read for the next section of our training. Luckily, we read 2 of the required books and she said we could just read the third in our continued training. So our first round of paperwork is DONE!!! Our file is going to be handed off to our social worker and the director for review and then they will schedule the home study. We are getting closer and closer!!!
Speaking of home study, with my next job #2 paycheck we will have enough in our fund to pay for the home study and the admin fees, which are the next two payments. Then we can start saving up for the placement fee, which is the BIG one.
I've made up a few new acronyms. PAD and PWOC. PAD is very similar to PPD (postpartum depression). It is pre-adoption depression. I'm not saying that I'm depressed! I'm just saying that what pregnant mothers might go through, those of us with infertility issues could go through before baby arrives. PWOC is parents without children. Not sure where I'm going with that yet, but it popped into my head so I wrote it down.
My attitude is getting better. I'm looking forward to the day when my availability change goes through. I've been scheduled for another 32 hour week, and I'm looking forward to that as much as I'm looking forward to finishing my current 32 hour week. :) But there are many factors that contributed to my attitude change. I really needed to hear the sermon at church on Sunday. The couple of points that I remember right off are: perseverance - don't stop until you get what you seek; and pray changes what is possible. Both things I needed to be reminded of. I was also reading a devotion late last week, and Matthew 18: 19-20 "Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them" gave me renewed hope. I KNOW for a fact that at LEAST two or three people are praying for our situation DAILY. I happen to be one of them and our pastor encouraged us to write out our prayers. So here is what my prayer consists of daily:
Michael Buble - Hold On
Didn't they always say we were the lucky ones?
I guess that we were once
Babe, we were once
But luck will leave you cause
It is a faithless friend
And in the end when life has got you down
You've got someone here that you can wrap your arms around
So hold on to me tight
Hold on to me tonight
We are stronger here together
Than we could ever be alone
So hold on to me
Don't you ever let me go
There's a thousand ways for things to fall apart
But it's no one's fault
No it's not my fault
Maybe all the plans we made would not work out
But I have no doubt even though it's hard to see
I've got faith in us and I believe in you and me
So hold on to me tight
Hold on, I promise it'll be alright
Cause it's you and me together
And baby all we've got is time
So hold on to me, hold on to me tonight
There's so many dreams that we have given up
Take a look at all we've got
And with this kind of love
What we've got here is enough
So hold on to me tight
Hold on, I promise it'll be alright
Cause we are stronger here together
Then we could ever be alone
Just hold on to me
Don't you ever let me go
Hold on to me, it's gonna be alright
Hold on to me tonight
They always say we were the lucky ones
Speaking of home study, with my next job #2 paycheck we will have enough in our fund to pay for the home study and the admin fees, which are the next two payments. Then we can start saving up for the placement fee, which is the BIG one.
I've made up a few new acronyms. PAD and PWOC. PAD is very similar to PPD (postpartum depression). It is pre-adoption depression. I'm not saying that I'm depressed! I'm just saying that what pregnant mothers might go through, those of us with infertility issues could go through before baby arrives. PWOC is parents without children. Not sure where I'm going with that yet, but it popped into my head so I wrote it down.
My attitude is getting better. I'm looking forward to the day when my availability change goes through. I've been scheduled for another 32 hour week, and I'm looking forward to that as much as I'm looking forward to finishing my current 32 hour week. :) But there are many factors that contributed to my attitude change. I really needed to hear the sermon at church on Sunday. The couple of points that I remember right off are: perseverance - don't stop until you get what you seek; and pray changes what is possible. Both things I needed to be reminded of. I was also reading a devotion late last week, and Matthew 18: 19-20 "Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them" gave me renewed hope. I KNOW for a fact that at LEAST two or three people are praying for our situation DAILY. I happen to be one of them and our pastor encouraged us to write out our prayers. So here is what my prayer consists of daily:
- Protection and safety for our future child for every second of every day until he or she is placed with us.
- Protection and safety for our future child's birth parents.
- Peace for the decisions the birth parents are going to make.
- A smooth transition to us becoming a family.
- Peace, courage, strength, and energy for Gus and I to make it to that glorious day.
Another factor that helped my attitude move toward the positive side is Gus. For those of you that know me well, you know I have self-esteem issues, which the infertility journey has not helped. Those self-esteem issues make me doubt my security in relationships. But I have no idea why I would ever doubt the security of our marriage. That man knows me better than I know myself sometimes and it is plain scary. And it is more than obvious that my happiness means the world to him. He felt me going over the edge before I even mentioned a word. Do you know that while we were on vacation, my ring was fixed, so on Monday, he not only went and picked it up for me, but he delivered it to me at work in Auburn? And he knows just when I need a surprise lunch date, which turned in to him delivering me lunch at work because I got caught up at the office. Toward the end of the week, I could feel him starting to slip into suffocation mode as well, but that was when I was pulling out of it. It is amazing to me how often through all of this "we" as one unit are okay as long as one of us is able to breath for both of us. One of us carries the weight of the world until the other one is ready to pick up their end and help again. And it just works, for that moment the other one has enough strength to carry on for both of us. He is the most selfless person I know, and I'm extremely lucky to call him my husband.
This song has been popping up a lot lately, and being the wife of a former DJ, I want to dedicate it to my hubby:
Michael Buble - Hold On
Didn't they always say we were the lucky ones?
I guess that we were once
Babe, we were once
But luck will leave you cause
It is a faithless friend
And in the end when life has got you down
You've got someone here that you can wrap your arms around
So hold on to me tight
Hold on to me tonight
We are stronger here together
Than we could ever be alone
So hold on to me
Don't you ever let me go
There's a thousand ways for things to fall apart
But it's no one's fault
No it's not my fault
Maybe all the plans we made would not work out
But I have no doubt even though it's hard to see
I've got faith in us and I believe in you and me
So hold on to me tight
Hold on, I promise it'll be alright
Cause it's you and me together
And baby all we've got is time
So hold on to me, hold on to me tonight
There's so many dreams that we have given up
Take a look at all we've got
And with this kind of love
What we've got here is enough
So hold on to me tight
Hold on, I promise it'll be alright
Cause we are stronger here together
Then we could ever be alone
Just hold on to me
Don't you ever let me go
Hold on to me, it's gonna be alright
Hold on to me tonight
They always say we were the lucky ones
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Venting Session
I have an attitude, and it is a bad one. I know I need to adjust it, but there are some days I feel like I'm entitled to a bad attitude after the way the last 5 or so years have worked out for us. I'm hoping one big venting session will help relieve it, so...
We went on vacation last week. I came home nice and relaxed. That relaxed feeling lasted 2 days. Now I'm exhausted again and I hurt because my body got used to doing nothing after just one week and I have to retrain every muscle in my body to get used to standing, walking, and lifting again.
We got our home owner's insurance policy in the mail last week and guess what? Our premium went up. I was obviously expecting this, and I guess the amount wasn't too shocking after the claims amount, which still isn't final as the furnace guy is coming today to see if both furnaces need to be replaced from water damage from the fire.
I've decided that I was way too ambitious and I bit off more than I could chew. I've decided to change my availability at job #2 and tell them that I can only work 25 hours a week. Looking at the next few weeks, I'm feeling completely overwhelmed. I was welcomed back from vacation by working EVERY NIGHT this week plus Saturday. I'm scheduled for 32 hours next week, which would be a total of 74.5 hours total worked for me. I keep thinking that I'm managing now because I really have no home responsibilities beside laundry at the moment. But once we get back into the house, I'm not going to have the cleaning crew or the breakfast/happy hour food crew working for me anymore. Plus I have no time for anything. I did manage to finish book #2 and the report over vacation. I started book #3, but I'm only through chapter 2, so I have a long way to go by the end of the month. So I will be requesting our small group night off completely, and that should leave me with 5 days of working and one other day off from job #2. Hopefully, that will alleviate the suffocating feeling I have right now. I have no idea how long it will take the paperwork to go through once I submit it or if they will start messing with my hours, but I don't want to end up in the loony bin. And I miss seeing people other than the people I work with and the occasionally moments with my husband when we are both awake. I miss him already too. I miss doing things like going to the state fair and having dinner with friends.
Okay, my pity party is over. I did calculate what my take home pay would be from job #2 if I worked the 25 hours per week for a year, and that made me feel a little better. It was almost a third of our goal! So in 2 1/2 years, I can quit. :)
On my way out after I clocked out last night, I walked past the book area and saw a new Chicken Soup for the Soul book I want. It is the Tough Times, Tough People edition. The title encouraged me for about 3 seconds and then I realized that I don't feel so tough right now. I feel like a giant baby for complaining to my husband every chance I get about how tired I am and how I don't want to go to my second job, ever. And I feel guilty for complaining. Like I have said before, this whole crazy schedule thing was my choice, the underlying motivation is a good one, and there are plenty of people without one job and I'm complaining about having two. I still want to read the book some day. I probably have a lot to learn.
We went on vacation last week. I came home nice and relaxed. That relaxed feeling lasted 2 days. Now I'm exhausted again and I hurt because my body got used to doing nothing after just one week and I have to retrain every muscle in my body to get used to standing, walking, and lifting again.
We got our home owner's insurance policy in the mail last week and guess what? Our premium went up. I was obviously expecting this, and I guess the amount wasn't too shocking after the claims amount, which still isn't final as the furnace guy is coming today to see if both furnaces need to be replaced from water damage from the fire.
I've decided that I was way too ambitious and I bit off more than I could chew. I've decided to change my availability at job #2 and tell them that I can only work 25 hours a week. Looking at the next few weeks, I'm feeling completely overwhelmed. I was welcomed back from vacation by working EVERY NIGHT this week plus Saturday. I'm scheduled for 32 hours next week, which would be a total of 74.5 hours total worked for me. I keep thinking that I'm managing now because I really have no home responsibilities beside laundry at the moment. But once we get back into the house, I'm not going to have the cleaning crew or the breakfast/happy hour food crew working for me anymore. Plus I have no time for anything. I did manage to finish book #2 and the report over vacation. I started book #3, but I'm only through chapter 2, so I have a long way to go by the end of the month. So I will be requesting our small group night off completely, and that should leave me with 5 days of working and one other day off from job #2. Hopefully, that will alleviate the suffocating feeling I have right now. I have no idea how long it will take the paperwork to go through once I submit it or if they will start messing with my hours, but I don't want to end up in the loony bin. And I miss seeing people other than the people I work with and the occasionally moments with my husband when we are both awake. I miss him already too. I miss doing things like going to the state fair and having dinner with friends.
Okay, my pity party is over. I did calculate what my take home pay would be from job #2 if I worked the 25 hours per week for a year, and that made me feel a little better. It was almost a third of our goal! So in 2 1/2 years, I can quit. :)
On my way out after I clocked out last night, I walked past the book area and saw a new Chicken Soup for the Soul book I want. It is the Tough Times, Tough People edition. The title encouraged me for about 3 seconds and then I realized that I don't feel so tough right now. I feel like a giant baby for complaining to my husband every chance I get about how tired I am and how I don't want to go to my second job, ever. And I feel guilty for complaining. Like I have said before, this whole crazy schedule thing was my choice, the underlying motivation is a good one, and there are plenty of people without one job and I'm complaining about having two. I still want to read the book some day. I probably have a lot to learn.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Hodge-podge
Well, I'm either doing a decent job at this blog thing or no one reads it, because I got zero questions to answer. So, you are stuck reading my ramblings, so here goes:
Okay, Sammich Martin. I really like the name Samuel Mitchell for a boy. I told Gus we could have ourselves a little Sam Mitch! He pronounces the word sandwich as sammich, so the nickname stuck. He then told me not to tell anyone because the kid would be called that for the rest of his life if we did end up with a boy and using that name. However, Gus keeps spreading the nickname, so I decided to go ahead and post away. Of course that would be an around the house kind of nickname, not sure I could picture myself at a soccer game yelling "Good job Sammich!" But I could see myself yelling upstairs, "Sammich, dinner is ready." The nickname is also gender interchangeable. Samantha Michelle is in the running, but nothing is set in stone and as my realistic husband points out, we need the child before we can name it.
Yes, that is a laundry basket on a leash. EVERYONE who sees me dragging this down the hallway at the hotel comments on it, and I know I will remember this from our time at the hotel for the rest of my life. I would have loved to have a photographer capture the tender moments of our infertility journey as well. Those are the "good" memories I will cherish from this time. My husband, the awesome nurse through surgery after surgery; our hope and anticipation; the giant bear hugs Gus used to keep me upright after receiving the "not as we hoped" phone calls. All of those things are things I wish that 1) I could have seen and 2) I could pull out and look at over and over again. But I'm just not famous enough to have paparazzi following me around, so I will have to rely on mental images of how I think those moments looked.
The House
Painting is in progress and is getting close to being done. Our once boring off-white plaster walls have been replaced with color!!! I really like all of the rooms, but there is one room that didn't come out quite like I imagined. I picked the color Mercer Blue for the nursery. The sample, when held up to other blue colors, looks almost silvery or smokey blue. On the wall....it looks really gray. But I don't hate it. I picked this color blue because if we end up with a girl, I think pink accents will really pop and no matter the gender, I was kind of thinking of doing an underwater theme. So once the color was on the wall, I did a little research and found the bedding and theme I wanted and I'm relieved to report that it will match. So we didn't waste any money on paint and Gus doesn't have to repaint the room. (And Mike, he helped paint that room so I'm sure he is relieved too.) :) But, the carpet I picked out for the upstairs won't go well in that room, so that might have to be the odd room out or I might have to change my carpet pick altogether. But it looks like we are ON TRACK for being back home sometime in September!!!!! For once, I actually believe the estimate.
Adoption Paperwork
Round one of the adoption paperwork has been completed and received by our agency, except our book reports! Look out world, the Martins are in "get it done" mode. We have also received more donations and we are currently 14% of our way to our goal!!!!!! Yahoo!!!!! God is definitely providing for us every step of the way. Just Monday, he provided us with a photographer! I was just thinking that we should probably get some pictures taken for our adoption profile, but being in saving mode, I didn't want to spend the money and I was sure once we got our stuff back, I would be able to pull some more recent photos together. And then I logged on to facebook, and one of our friends who just started a photography business was doing a giveaway for a free sitting fee and I actually won something for once in my life! She does awesome work and I'm excited to throw more business her way once Baby Martin does arrive (or as we refer to him or her, Sammich Martin, but we will get to that in a minute.) Anyone in the Springfield area needing a good and reasonable photographer should contact Amy! www.wix.com/amyjoyphotography/amy
Okay, Sammich Martin. I really like the name Samuel Mitchell for a boy. I told Gus we could have ourselves a little Sam Mitch! He pronounces the word sandwich as sammich, so the nickname stuck. He then told me not to tell anyone because the kid would be called that for the rest of his life if we did end up with a boy and using that name. However, Gus keeps spreading the nickname, so I decided to go ahead and post away. Of course that would be an around the house kind of nickname, not sure I could picture myself at a soccer game yelling "Good job Sammich!" But I could see myself yelling upstairs, "Sammich, dinner is ready." The nickname is also gender interchangeable. Samantha Michelle is in the running, but nothing is set in stone and as my realistic husband points out, we need the child before we can name it.
Back to pictures for a minute. Do you ever wish you had a personal photographer to follow you around and capture the moments you know you will remember forever? I do. I was thinking that when I snapped this picture:
Yes, that is a laundry basket on a leash. EVERYONE who sees me dragging this down the hallway at the hotel comments on it, and I know I will remember this from our time at the hotel for the rest of my life. I would have loved to have a photographer capture the tender moments of our infertility journey as well. Those are the "good" memories I will cherish from this time. My husband, the awesome nurse through surgery after surgery; our hope and anticipation; the giant bear hugs Gus used to keep me upright after receiving the "not as we hoped" phone calls. All of those things are things I wish that 1) I could have seen and 2) I could pull out and look at over and over again. But I'm just not famous enough to have paparazzi following me around, so I will have to rely on mental images of how I think those moments looked.
I recently had the opportunity to hear a friend give her testimony and she was talking about her recovery from an accident and how the day she was going to therapy, she asked God to let her just take 2 steps. That day, she walked down to the end of the parallel bars and back and then sat down and cried because she only asked for 2 steps. I don't know why this is the part of the testimony that hit me so hard, but it was. And when I think about my life right now, I think all I asked for was a baby. At first, I asked for it the easy way, and then I asked for it the not so easy way, and now I'm asking for it the even harder way. But my point is that He has given me so much more. I have tapped inner strength that I didn't even know I had. I have had some incredible conversations with people I may have never met otherwise. Our marriage is thriving because we agreed at the very beginning of this to be completely transparent about everything going through this process and oh how I wish we would have made that deal on our wedding day. (If there is anything I have learned about marriage through all of this it's that you can't protect each other from getting hurt. Your spouse is going to get hurt, either by you or someone or something else, you can't prevent it from happening. Your job is to just be there and help put the pieces back together however you can. Sometimes you do more damage than good by trying to protect them from what is bound to happen.) I'm learning more every day about acceptance, of circumstances and people. My compassion for others, which I always thought was high, has about quadrupled. And I GET to adopt. I'm sure Gus remembers taking me to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert in Champaign shortly after we moved to Springfield, and the little promo he did for his adoption/orphan care program and how I sat there and bawled through the whole thing. On the way home that night, I told Gus, with the best of intentions, that we were going to adopt someday. I never thought it would be our only way to build a family, but I really felt a yearning at that moment that we were supposed to adopt. I think at some point, most people at least think about it, but then the cost or the strain on the existing children and other resources prevent people from following through. I know I've been given a Momma's heart and, for lack of better wording (I hate this phrase), "empty womb" for a very specific reason. We could have given up and decided to live a childless life. But there would have always been a piece of me missing. I could be happy living a childless life but I wouldn't be fulfilled.
Migraines
I'm happy to report I haven't had a migraine since that last one when I called the doctor's office. But seeing how they are triggered by stress and fatigue, I'm fully expecting them to return. :)
I'm happy to report I haven't had a migraine since that last one when I called the doctor's office. But seeing how they are triggered by stress and fatigue, I'm fully expecting them to return. :)
Friday, July 22, 2011
Readers' Choice
Paperwork is done!!! With the exception of the floor plan/escape plan and our book reports. Still slowly working on the reading. My current book is putting thoughts and feelings I have into real words that I wasn't sure how to verbalize or was just too afraid to admit, which is actually a good thing. At least I know I'm not crazy or the first person to think such thoughts. I will probably share more in another post, once I actually finish the book. :)
Thanks to another big donation last night, we are over 10% of our way to our goal!!! Our goal is $30,000 (the average cost of a domestic infant adoption) and we are currently at 10.67%. It is also nice to see that number grow on a regular interval thanks to the part time jobs. Once we finalize a date for our fundraiser, we will start getting more information out to everyone on the plans. But seeing that number grow is a good motivator to keep on trucking with our current schedules. And I can't say this enough, but we have been blessed with some amazingly generous people in our lives. And as much as I want this, sometimes you still need to find something to motivate you or to remind you what the goal is. For me, I keep telling myself that somewhere out there, there is a baby who needs me more than I need him or her. I'm doing this for him or her, and that makes all the difference.
Okay, now finally getting to the point of today's title... I sometimes feel that I ramble on and on in these posts, but may not be hitting on the things people really want to know. So, I've decided to field some questions. If there is anything you would like to know or have wanted to ask us about this crazy journey, feel free. You can either comment on the post (anonymously if you prefer), email them to me, or message me on facebook. Please give me some time to compile the list and answers and I will post a blog entry of the questions and answers. The goal of this blog was to give people a feel of what it is like to walk in our shoes and see the world through our lenses, so I want to make sure we are doing that. I'm actually looking forward to seeing what kinds of questions we get. And if you do decide to email me or message me a question, I will not use your name in the blog post, just in case you were wondering. Okay, on your marks, get set...ask away!
Thanks to another big donation last night, we are over 10% of our way to our goal!!! Our goal is $30,000 (the average cost of a domestic infant adoption) and we are currently at 10.67%. It is also nice to see that number grow on a regular interval thanks to the part time jobs. Once we finalize a date for our fundraiser, we will start getting more information out to everyone on the plans. But seeing that number grow is a good motivator to keep on trucking with our current schedules. And I can't say this enough, but we have been blessed with some amazingly generous people in our lives. And as much as I want this, sometimes you still need to find something to motivate you or to remind you what the goal is. For me, I keep telling myself that somewhere out there, there is a baby who needs me more than I need him or her. I'm doing this for him or her, and that makes all the difference.
Okay, now finally getting to the point of today's title... I sometimes feel that I ramble on and on in these posts, but may not be hitting on the things people really want to know. So, I've decided to field some questions. If there is anything you would like to know or have wanted to ask us about this crazy journey, feel free. You can either comment on the post (anonymously if you prefer), email them to me, or message me on facebook. Please give me some time to compile the list and answers and I will post a blog entry of the questions and answers. The goal of this blog was to give people a feel of what it is like to walk in our shoes and see the world through our lenses, so I want to make sure we are doing that. I'm actually looking forward to seeing what kinds of questions we get. And if you do decide to email me or message me a question, I will not use your name in the blog post, just in case you were wondering. Okay, on your marks, get set...ask away!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Do you see the pretty lights?
It started a couple of months ago. It was a weekend and Gus and I were on our way over to the house for something. On the way, I started seeing a blinking, zig zaggy, tv staticy light in my eye, making it very hard to see out of my right eye. I thought I was having a stroke in my eye, but Gus said I was crazy. The light disappeared as quickly as it appeared about 10 minutes later. After the light disappeared, I felt nauseous and had an extremely bad headache. I laid down when we got back to the hotel and a few hours later was feeling much better. Gus thought I had just had a migraine and that is what we chalked it up to.
Two weeks ago, the same thing happened, but on a much smaller scale.
Yesterday, it happened again, much like the first time. And by now, I'm getting pretty freaked out. So I start doing some digging and find the exact thing I have described and it is called "migraine with aura." They describe the light as "shimmering," and that makes sense. As I read about it, I find that if you have these, you should not take the BCP (birth control pill) without consulting your doctor because they both come with an increased risk for stroke. So I called my OB/GYN to see what he thought. He told me to stop taking the BCP immediately. (You may be asking yourself why I'm on it to begin with since I can't get pregnant, and the answer is to help manage my endometriosis symptoms.)
WARNING: The rest of this blog may contain information about myself and my cycle that you may think is TMI (too much information). You can stop reading now if you don't feel comfortable knowing this information. But if you keep reading...don't say I didn't warn you!
My periods are awful. And because I have never had anything to compare them too, I thought they were normal. Infertility has taught me a lot about myself, physically and otherwise. I now know that what I have been experiencing every month IS NOT NORMAL. Heavy bleeding, clots, and pain (not just cramps, but just plain pain) is all because of stupid endometriosis. There have been times I thought my uterus was falling out of me (I warned you to stop reading, you thought I was joking, didn't you?) and if I had known how useless it was going to be for me, I wish it would have done just that. My surgeries actually helped out, a lot. But it hasn't taken long for some of the symptoms to return. So I started on the BCP in April hoping to help curb some of them. So when the Dr. said to stop taking them immediately, I was left with a choice. Do nothing and live with the above every month for the next approximately 20 years. Or try the Depo-Provera shots. There are side effects, as with all drugs, but I'm willing to risk them, especially if one of the side effects is the absence of a period all together. I'm really hoping for that one! But with my luck, I'll be in the small percentage that reports the opposite effect. So starting tomorrow morning, I will be getting shots in my bum every 12 weeks in hopes of finding a "cure" for my endometriosis and if I'm lucky enough, getting rid of Aunt Flo all together. And because of the infertility, I'm used to shots in the rear, but I don't think the nurse will take the time to ice my bum before the shot like my hubby did.
Okay, that's enough girl talk for one day. If you stuck it out to the end, I hope I didn't scar you for life. And if this happened to be the first post of mine you have read, I'm sorry, and not all of them are this bad.
Two weeks ago, the same thing happened, but on a much smaller scale.
Yesterday, it happened again, much like the first time. And by now, I'm getting pretty freaked out. So I start doing some digging and find the exact thing I have described and it is called "migraine with aura." They describe the light as "shimmering," and that makes sense. As I read about it, I find that if you have these, you should not take the BCP (birth control pill) without consulting your doctor because they both come with an increased risk for stroke. So I called my OB/GYN to see what he thought. He told me to stop taking the BCP immediately. (You may be asking yourself why I'm on it to begin with since I can't get pregnant, and the answer is to help manage my endometriosis symptoms.)
WARNING: The rest of this blog may contain information about myself and my cycle that you may think is TMI (too much information). You can stop reading now if you don't feel comfortable knowing this information. But if you keep reading...don't say I didn't warn you!
My periods are awful. And because I have never had anything to compare them too, I thought they were normal. Infertility has taught me a lot about myself, physically and otherwise. I now know that what I have been experiencing every month IS NOT NORMAL. Heavy bleeding, clots, and pain (not just cramps, but just plain pain) is all because of stupid endometriosis. There have been times I thought my uterus was falling out of me (I warned you to stop reading, you thought I was joking, didn't you?) and if I had known how useless it was going to be for me, I wish it would have done just that. My surgeries actually helped out, a lot. But it hasn't taken long for some of the symptoms to return. So I started on the BCP in April hoping to help curb some of them. So when the Dr. said to stop taking them immediately, I was left with a choice. Do nothing and live with the above every month for the next approximately 20 years. Or try the Depo-Provera shots. There are side effects, as with all drugs, but I'm willing to risk them, especially if one of the side effects is the absence of a period all together. I'm really hoping for that one! But with my luck, I'll be in the small percentage that reports the opposite effect. So starting tomorrow morning, I will be getting shots in my bum every 12 weeks in hopes of finding a "cure" for my endometriosis and if I'm lucky enough, getting rid of Aunt Flo all together. And because of the infertility, I'm used to shots in the rear, but I don't think the nurse will take the time to ice my bum before the shot like my hubby did.
Okay, that's enough girl talk for one day. If you stuck it out to the end, I hope I didn't scar you for life. And if this happened to be the first post of mine you have read, I'm sorry, and not all of them are this bad.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Aye carumba!
Yesterday was one of those days where all I wanted to do was sit down and have a good cry. The only problem was, 1) I didn't have time to sit down and cry and 2) I know it wouldn't have helped the situation at all. Gus had taken some time off of work yesterday to work at the house and was only greeted by yet another issue. With no air movement at the house at all, and no one in the house to check consistently, we apparently had gotten some water in the basement with one of the last couple of rains. And now we have mold in the basement. We have contacted the insurance company, but they are taking their sweet time getting back to us. So poor Gus had to take another day off of work to bleach and clean. He also bought a dehumidifier and some fans to leave down there. I feel bad for him, not exactly the way you want to spend your time off and it's not like he wasn't stressed out enough.
And then my engagement ring broke! The band split at the bottom and can be easily fixed, but just something else to deflate my balloon. I have no idea how it happened either. I must have grabbed something wrong at work last night or something, but I feel naked without it.
So, is it time for a good dose of perspective? I was driving to work this morning and heard the song I'm going to dance with my son to at his wedding. (Yes, I know how pathetic it sounds to have a song picked out already when 1) I don't have a child yet and 2) I know that said child could be a girl just as easily as a boy, but please just humor me.) The song is My Wish by Rascal Flatts and portrays your hopes and dreams for another's life. I know this isn't how life works, but if we are going through trial after trial so that our child's life could go "as planned" then I'm willing to take that burden. But I know there will come a day when our child will be up against their own battle and I won't be able to make it any easier for them. I will have to sit back, pray, and let them cry on my shoulder. Why is it that whenever you hear about someone's pain, you would do anything to take that pain away and live through it yourself, whether it is a family member or a good friend. But when you are going through the trial yourself, you feel so crushed and defeated and so alone no matter who has already jumped in to help, like you carry the weight of the world on your own two little shoulders? You would think by now that we would know we aren't alone, right? How many people have prayed for us and encouraged us through the past 5 years of infertility? How many people dropped everything at a moments notice to show up at our house and be with us as we waited outside for the fire trucks to leave? How many people have made sacrifices of time and resources to help us with some sort of project at the house? Or taken us in for a meal? Or taken our cat in for the past 7 months? We are not shouldering this alone and we feel it. Even if it is just venting and complaining in a blog and knowing that someone is "listening."
We aren't in this adoption journey alone either. We know that we cannot afford this on our own. And just by merely stating that fact, we are close to 10% funded! And we haven't even really started the big fundraising push! We have had some more very generous donations this past week. I feel like the Grinch who stole Christmas, with my heart getting bigger and bigger with each one. We are loved and we are not alone! Thank you for listening, praying, donating and giving your time and resources. It may not have seemed like a lot to you, but it meant the world to us.
And then my engagement ring broke! The band split at the bottom and can be easily fixed, but just something else to deflate my balloon. I have no idea how it happened either. I must have grabbed something wrong at work last night or something, but I feel naked without it.
So, is it time for a good dose of perspective? I was driving to work this morning and heard the song I'm going to dance with my son to at his wedding. (Yes, I know how pathetic it sounds to have a song picked out already when 1) I don't have a child yet and 2) I know that said child could be a girl just as easily as a boy, but please just humor me.) The song is My Wish by Rascal Flatts and portrays your hopes and dreams for another's life. I know this isn't how life works, but if we are going through trial after trial so that our child's life could go "as planned" then I'm willing to take that burden. But I know there will come a day when our child will be up against their own battle and I won't be able to make it any easier for them. I will have to sit back, pray, and let them cry on my shoulder. Why is it that whenever you hear about someone's pain, you would do anything to take that pain away and live through it yourself, whether it is a family member or a good friend. But when you are going through the trial yourself, you feel so crushed and defeated and so alone no matter who has already jumped in to help, like you carry the weight of the world on your own two little shoulders? You would think by now that we would know we aren't alone, right? How many people have prayed for us and encouraged us through the past 5 years of infertility? How many people dropped everything at a moments notice to show up at our house and be with us as we waited outside for the fire trucks to leave? How many people have made sacrifices of time and resources to help us with some sort of project at the house? Or taken us in for a meal? Or taken our cat in for the past 7 months? We are not shouldering this alone and we feel it. Even if it is just venting and complaining in a blog and knowing that someone is "listening."
We aren't in this adoption journey alone either. We know that we cannot afford this on our own. And just by merely stating that fact, we are close to 10% funded! And we haven't even really started the big fundraising push! We have had some more very generous donations this past week. I feel like the Grinch who stole Christmas, with my heart getting bigger and bigger with each one. We are loved and we are not alone! Thank you for listening, praying, donating and giving your time and resources. It may not have seemed like a lot to you, but it meant the world to us.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Dear Casey Anthony,
First off, you should know I'm not one who easily gets wrapped up in media hype. But unfortunately for you, this case caught my attention and I have very strong emotions regarding the situation.
I don't know what happened. But I do know that you took your child's life for granted and your responsibility as a parent lightly. Because society has no say over who can get pregnant, that same society feels they need to do their due diligence when overseeing adoptions. I do not have a problem with that. What I do have a problem with, is parents who take their responsibility lightly enough to make the process for people like me who want to be a Mommy much more difficult and daunting. If every parent would love, protect and put their child's needs first, no one would have to question my motives for wanting to become a parent.
As part of your punishment for lying to the police, I think you should be forced to listen to person after person, who has either lost a child (not by their own neglect) or who was never able to have children, "explain" to you how bad it hurts to know that people like you can have perfect, beautiful children but never see the blessing or gift that you have been given.
The only other fact that I know for sure about the case is that Caylee deserved so much more...
I hope that some day, you can take responsibility for your part and seek forgiveness.
I don't know what happened. But I do know that you took your child's life for granted and your responsibility as a parent lightly. Because society has no say over who can get pregnant, that same society feels they need to do their due diligence when overseeing adoptions. I do not have a problem with that. What I do have a problem with, is parents who take their responsibility lightly enough to make the process for people like me who want to be a Mommy much more difficult and daunting. If every parent would love, protect and put their child's needs first, no one would have to question my motives for wanting to become a parent.
As part of your punishment for lying to the police, I think you should be forced to listen to person after person, who has either lost a child (not by their own neglect) or who was never able to have children, "explain" to you how bad it hurts to know that people like you can have perfect, beautiful children but never see the blessing or gift that you have been given.
The only other fact that I know for sure about the case is that Caylee deserved so much more...
I hope that some day, you can take responsibility for your part and seek forgiveness.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
1 Down...
I just finished book number 1 and the book report! I missed my original goal of having it done by the end of June. And then I missed my back up goal of having it done by the end of the 4th of July weekend, but it is done and that is all that matters. I'm getting ready to crack open book number 2 now. I'm learning quickly that reading the books is a very important part of preparing for Baby Martin. I know I have complained that biological parents aren't given a reading list and a list of other tasks to complete (like CPR classes) before they can take their baby home from the hospital, but if I'm being honest, this whole process is helping me understand that life won't be filled with rainbows or unicorns and glitter once we are matched with a birth mother. I would rather be over prepared than naive.
Speaking of CPR classes, A) they are done! We are CPR certified. 2) Here is a small world story for you. I walk in to the New Berlin fire house, where we had our class, and the guy who is doing the class for us, is the guy who did our drug testing. He said he recognized the name when I emailed him to set it up. I did a double take when I walked in. We have been blessed with some incredibly generous people along the way. It makes the whole process feel more within reach when you start taking little chunks out here and there.
We continue to get some great encouragement from friends and family. As we are currently in a season of life where it is hard to remember schedules and it is easy to get grumpy about our situation due to a lack of sleep and incredible amounts of stress, it is sometimes easier for others to see the big picture for us than it is for us to see it. Comments like, "your commitment to your child and your dream is amazing," slaps me across the face and wakes me up to see the real impact this journey is having on us, our future child, and all of those who are witnessing it unfold. Sure, the end goal is to become parents, but there is so much more happening than that. We are in the midst of experiences that are strengthening our character, our relationship with each other, our future relationship with our child and our relationship with all of the people who are giving us support in so many different ways. Yes, it is a hard and long process. July 2006 is when this journey began for us. And I know I haven't handled the past 5 years well at times. I've had to give myself little attitude adjustments along the way. I feel like I need another one now. Instead of being stuck in a rut feeling sorry for myself that I spend my free time at a second job and my even less freer time reading assigned books, I can remember to slap myself across the face with the realization that I signed myself up for this and the driving force behind that was my beautiful dream.
Speaking of CPR classes, A) they are done! We are CPR certified. 2) Here is a small world story for you. I walk in to the New Berlin fire house, where we had our class, and the guy who is doing the class for us, is the guy who did our drug testing. He said he recognized the name when I emailed him to set it up. I did a double take when I walked in. We have been blessed with some incredibly generous people along the way. It makes the whole process feel more within reach when you start taking little chunks out here and there.
We continue to get some great encouragement from friends and family. As we are currently in a season of life where it is hard to remember schedules and it is easy to get grumpy about our situation due to a lack of sleep and incredible amounts of stress, it is sometimes easier for others to see the big picture for us than it is for us to see it. Comments like, "your commitment to your child and your dream is amazing," slaps me across the face and wakes me up to see the real impact this journey is having on us, our future child, and all of those who are witnessing it unfold. Sure, the end goal is to become parents, but there is so much more happening than that. We are in the midst of experiences that are strengthening our character, our relationship with each other, our future relationship with our child and our relationship with all of the people who are giving us support in so many different ways. Yes, it is a hard and long process. July 2006 is when this journey began for us. And I know I haven't handled the past 5 years well at times. I've had to give myself little attitude adjustments along the way. I feel like I need another one now. Instead of being stuck in a rut feeling sorry for myself that I spend my free time at a second job and my even less freer time reading assigned books, I can remember to slap myself across the face with the realization that I signed myself up for this and the driving force behind that was my beautiful dream.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Noah's First Blog Post
Yesterday, while I was voicing my frustrations, the dog was voicing his as well. The picture isn't the greatest, but this is what I came home to yesterday. He destroyed his bed while in his kennel. I thought I would publish his venting for him. It made for some good comic relief.
And the spoiled dog got a new bed and a new toy out of the deal. I think his world is back to being okay now.Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Stupid Mouse
Anyone who knows me, knows that the slightest sight of a mouse will send me screaming and scaling the closest piece of furniture. It doesn't matter if the mouse is dead or alive, you will not get me to willingly stay in the same room as it. Their little beady eyes and their long disgusting tails send chills up and down my spine. Now, having said all of that, I have yet another reason to hate the dumb things. What was once 2-3 months of being displaced, turned in to 6 months, and what's that??? You say it will probably be more like 9 months now. ARE YOU SERIOUS??? Yes, they are serious. Gus and I had a meeting with the owner of the contracting company about a week ago and he said, "I can't see this taking much longer than about another 2 weeks." I tried not to laugh and roll my eyes, but I knew he was way off. Gus then had another meeting with him at our actual house yesterday, and guess what? He retracts his original 2 week estimate. Go figure. So here is the new plan...walls will be finished and primed by July 18th. We will have two weeks to paint and then they would like to be back in to do the floors August 1st. Since the whole staircase is being disassembled and refinished, they don't know how long this will take, but they are hoping we will be back in by early September. I've contacted our social worker, and she doesn't think the new game plan will be an issue with getting the home study and foster license done. Hopefully, this will be the last change to the schedule and we will actually get moved back in by September. I may be biased, but I thought I was doing really well on having patience through all of this, however, that patience is starting to get tested. All because of one little mouse...
The adoption paperwork is almost finished!!! We still have a lot of reading to do, and the lack of free time is not helping in that department. I haven't even finished my first book yet. So, I know what I will be doing while I'm waiting on laundry to wash and dry tonight. CPR classes are scheduled for Thursday evening. My sister knows someone who offered to do the classes for us for free! I've been working on the financial information they have asked for and we still need to do the floor plan/escape plan, which I'm going to let Gus handle. I've been keeping copies of everything in a binder, so the next time (yes, I know I'm crazy already thinking about doing this all again), I will know what we need. So if anyone would like to see our tax records for the past two years, our pets' vaccination records, or our water temperature agreement (to just name a few of the odds and ends included), it is all compiled in one nice, neat book for your reading enjoyment. We are starting to slowly work on our fundraising idea as well. We need to recruit some help and pick a date to get the ball rolling.
Both jobs are going well. Auditors are here this week for job #1, so things are a little more crazy than usual. The schedule for job #2 is getting crazy. The next two weeks I will be working a lot of week nights, so I have a feeling my caffeine intake will increase. I think we have both been doing a pretty good job of balancing work lives with home life. Oh, and I know I missed publishing this on Father's Day, but I already know Gus is going to be the best Dad ever! I don't know too many husbands who would actually consider and then got out and get a second job when their crazy wife states that would be a good fundraising idea. Plus, he has taken on so many responsibilities for me at "home" on top of battling with the contractors daily. He is the main reason I get any rest at all. I have the best husband who is soon to be the best dad!
Stupid mouse....
The adoption paperwork is almost finished!!! We still have a lot of reading to do, and the lack of free time is not helping in that department. I haven't even finished my first book yet. So, I know what I will be doing while I'm waiting on laundry to wash and dry tonight. CPR classes are scheduled for Thursday evening. My sister knows someone who offered to do the classes for us for free! I've been working on the financial information they have asked for and we still need to do the floor plan/escape plan, which I'm going to let Gus handle. I've been keeping copies of everything in a binder, so the next time (yes, I know I'm crazy already thinking about doing this all again), I will know what we need. So if anyone would like to see our tax records for the past two years, our pets' vaccination records, or our water temperature agreement (to just name a few of the odds and ends included), it is all compiled in one nice, neat book for your reading enjoyment. We are starting to slowly work on our fundraising idea as well. We need to recruit some help and pick a date to get the ball rolling.
Both jobs are going well. Auditors are here this week for job #1, so things are a little more crazy than usual. The schedule for job #2 is getting crazy. The next two weeks I will be working a lot of week nights, so I have a feeling my caffeine intake will increase. I think we have both been doing a pretty good job of balancing work lives with home life. Oh, and I know I missed publishing this on Father's Day, but I already know Gus is going to be the best Dad ever! I don't know too many husbands who would actually consider and then got out and get a second job when their crazy wife states that would be a good fundraising idea. Plus, he has taken on so many responsibilities for me at "home" on top of battling with the contractors daily. He is the main reason I get any rest at all. I have the best husband who is soon to be the best dad!
Stupid mouse....
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Drywall & Drug Tests
Gus just called me and informed me that there is drywall going up at the house!!!!! We are getting closer and closer to going home. I'm so ready to get back to normal living again! It will be nice, now that our schedules are so different, to be able to come home and get ready for bed, or get up and get ready for work, without bothering the other person who is trying to get some sleep. AND I MISS MY KITCHEN! You have no idea how many times I've wanted to make or eat something and then think, nope I can't do that. I left my calendar with my tally at the hotel today, but I'm pretty sure tonight will be night 191 of hotel living.
This morning, Gus & I spent some quality time together at the doctor's office. Although we are used to spending quality time at the doctor's office, this was a different kind of a visit. We both had physicals done and drug testing for the adoption process. I had my TB test done and Gus scheduled his for another time as he was not available on Friday to have it read. We were able to ask the doctor some questions we had regarding a birth mother who admitted to drug use and histories of mental illness. He calmed some of our fears and gave us some good advice. I really like our doctor and it is nice to know that he will be our child's doctor as well, since he specializes in internal medicine and is a pediatrician. It is a good feeling knowing our child will be in good hands and not just having to pick a pediatrician out of a book or based on other people's preferences. Since we had to do the drug testing down in the lab, our paperwork spread the word about why we were there and the nurses and staff were asking all kinds of questions and giving us some encouragement. That was really nice. I equate this to telling people you are pregnant. The way they were getting excited and asking where we were adopting from, how far into the process are we, and how long we thought it would take reminded me of how people react when someone shares they are pregnant. "Congratulations! When are you due? Are you going to find out the baby's gender?..." I guess we won't miss out on the whole experience after all. :)
This morning, Gus & I spent some quality time together at the doctor's office. Although we are used to spending quality time at the doctor's office, this was a different kind of a visit. We both had physicals done and drug testing for the adoption process. I had my TB test done and Gus scheduled his for another time as he was not available on Friday to have it read. We were able to ask the doctor some questions we had regarding a birth mother who admitted to drug use and histories of mental illness. He calmed some of our fears and gave us some good advice. I really like our doctor and it is nice to know that he will be our child's doctor as well, since he specializes in internal medicine and is a pediatrician. It is a good feeling knowing our child will be in good hands and not just having to pick a pediatrician out of a book or based on other people's preferences. Since we had to do the drug testing down in the lab, our paperwork spread the word about why we were there and the nurses and staff were asking all kinds of questions and giving us some encouragement. That was really nice. I equate this to telling people you are pregnant. The way they were getting excited and asking where we were adopting from, how far into the process are we, and how long we thought it would take reminded me of how people react when someone shares they are pregnant. "Congratulations! When are you due? Are you going to find out the baby's gender?..." I guess we won't miss out on the whole experience after all. :)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Almost Slipped One Past Me
It is my "weekend" from job #2 (which it will be affectionately called from now on). It looks like my main days off will be on Wednesdays and Thursdays. And in the busyness of everything, I almost forgot what today was...and then I got to job #1 and turned on my computer and there it was, June 15th, staring me down. There are few days I will remember this clearly, and June 15, 2010 happens to be one of them. For fear of setting myself off into a downward spiral, I will leave it at that.
Job #2 is going okay. It is easy, mindless work, which is pretty much what I wanted. Plus from the moment I get there until I clock out I am walking constantly. So, I'm basically being paid to exercise. I guess the management is sticking to the "treat everyone as equals" policy, because they treat everyone like good for nothing idiots. For example, I finally picked up my first check last night. I'm making my deposit slip this morning and notice they have my address wrong. They changed my street name to Cherry instead of Chenery. Yea, I do know what street I live on and I do know how to spell. Please quit trying to correct my "mistakes" for me. But that is a bonus too! I'm learning to appreciate my education much more than I did before. So if you are reading this, thanks Mom & Dad!!! Other than that, I'm tired, obviously, working 7am to 10pm will take a toll on you. My feet and back hurt by the end of the night, but I usually recuperate mostly by morning. Oh, and I feel differently about clothes now too. I will never wear anything again without washing it first, the end. You can use your imagination to fill in the why part.
With both of us working crazy schedules, there have been some interesting days in the Martin "hotel-hold," I would say household, but that doesn't fit right now. We do most of our communicating on the days we are both pulling double duty over the phone. That is when we update each other on the status of the house and things like the stupid state messing up my health insurance. Last Wednesday, I talked to Gus for literally 30 seconds that day. I said good-bye to him when I left in the morning, he was still in bed. When I got home from job #2, he was on his way out because the fire alarm was going off at his Springfield store. And that was all I saw of him. Those are the days that I doubt our decisions. I know we have good intentions, but are we stretching ourselves too thin? And then I remind myself about "eraser day." That is what I think about when life gets too overwhelming again. For me, "eraser day" is the day our baby gets placed in our arms and we never have to let go of him or her. The day all of my current doubts and fears are replaced by new doubts and fears, but much better doubts and fears. When the cause of my tiredness is a crying baby, instead of the load of 2 jobs. And that baby's cry will sound a whole lot nicer than any of the sounds I hear at job #2. I think we are some of the few "expectant" parents who can honestly say they look forward to a crying baby keeping them up at night. (Perhaps I shouldn't speak for Gus, but I look forward to it!)
We are moving right along on our adoption paperwork. We have already sent back a huge stack of papers, and are left with only a little stack to finish. We have been fingerprinted and are scheduled for physicals, TB tests and drug tests. We are both working on book 1 of our required reading list and I'm on the lookout for CPR classes. I know some day we will look back at all of the sacrifices and hard work we are putting in now and be more than thankful!
Job #2 is going okay. It is easy, mindless work, which is pretty much what I wanted. Plus from the moment I get there until I clock out I am walking constantly. So, I'm basically being paid to exercise. I guess the management is sticking to the "treat everyone as equals" policy, because they treat everyone like good for nothing idiots. For example, I finally picked up my first check last night. I'm making my deposit slip this morning and notice they have my address wrong. They changed my street name to Cherry instead of Chenery. Yea, I do know what street I live on and I do know how to spell. Please quit trying to correct my "mistakes" for me. But that is a bonus too! I'm learning to appreciate my education much more than I did before. So if you are reading this, thanks Mom & Dad!!! Other than that, I'm tired, obviously, working 7am to 10pm will take a toll on you. My feet and back hurt by the end of the night, but I usually recuperate mostly by morning. Oh, and I feel differently about clothes now too. I will never wear anything again without washing it first, the end. You can use your imagination to fill in the why part.
With both of us working crazy schedules, there have been some interesting days in the Martin "hotel-hold," I would say household, but that doesn't fit right now. We do most of our communicating on the days we are both pulling double duty over the phone. That is when we update each other on the status of the house and things like the stupid state messing up my health insurance. Last Wednesday, I talked to Gus for literally 30 seconds that day. I said good-bye to him when I left in the morning, he was still in bed. When I got home from job #2, he was on his way out because the fire alarm was going off at his Springfield store. And that was all I saw of him. Those are the days that I doubt our decisions. I know we have good intentions, but are we stretching ourselves too thin? And then I remind myself about "eraser day." That is what I think about when life gets too overwhelming again. For me, "eraser day" is the day our baby gets placed in our arms and we never have to let go of him or her. The day all of my current doubts and fears are replaced by new doubts and fears, but much better doubts and fears. When the cause of my tiredness is a crying baby, instead of the load of 2 jobs. And that baby's cry will sound a whole lot nicer than any of the sounds I hear at job #2. I think we are some of the few "expectant" parents who can honestly say they look forward to a crying baby keeping them up at night. (Perhaps I shouldn't speak for Gus, but I look forward to it!)
We are moving right along on our adoption paperwork. We have already sent back a huge stack of papers, and are left with only a little stack to finish. We have been fingerprinted and are scheduled for physicals, TB tests and drug tests. We are both working on book 1 of our required reading list and I'm on the lookout for CPR classes. I know some day we will look back at all of the sacrifices and hard work we are putting in now and be more than thankful!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Loud and Clear
There was an incident last night. The occupant of room 318 decided it would be a good idea to cook at 11:30 at night, starting a grease fire. The fire alarm went off at 11:54 and we finally crawled back into bed at 1:05. However, in the process of resetting the fire alarm, it went off again at 2:38 just long enough to wake us up again and start to get ready to leave before it was turned off. The water damage was so bad that they have blocked off the dinning room area on the first floor with plastic and have fans running to dry the area. Luckily, our room doesn't smell too bad, but the hallways STINK. So I drove to work this morning thinking about how tired and hungry I was (because without a dinning room area, there is no breakfast). I had to remind myself that this is probably just the beginning of me being tired, with the second job kicking into high gear next week. Why is any of this relevant?
I get to work and open up my email to find my daily devotion waiting for me. God heard all of my thoughts on my way to work and had a response waiting for me. Here are a few excerpts you might find interesting:
"Finding contentment doesn't mean we have to like our current situation, but it may require an appreciation for it."
"That's because peace isn't the absence of pressure. It's the presence of God and our attitude toward His provision in the midst of our stress."
"You may be in a hard place right now and you're longing for freedom. Maybe you're in a job that feels like a dead end; perhaps you have two of them! It may be that you live in a space too small for your family and you hate it. You're not where you planned or hoped to be and you certainly don't like it."
Yeah, you see the "loud and clear" message too. Let me clarify, I don't think either of my jobs are dead ends. I really like my full time job and I sought out the part time job to reach a goal. I know I'm going to have to make sacrifices, and I'm okay with that. I was more upset last night and this morning with the fact that someone else ruined my precious night of sleep and my reliance on breakfast waiting for me to grab on my way to work in the morning. Nothing in our life right now is what we had planned or hoped for. We hadn't hoped to be living in a hotel for 6+ months. We didn't hope to work 2 jobs each to make our goal of becoming a family a realization and we didn't hope that we would not be able to have biological children. Are we growing and learning from all of this? YES! Are we learning that "finding contentment doesn't mean we have to like our current situation, but it may require an appreciation for it?" I think so.
I get to work and open up my email to find my daily devotion waiting for me. God heard all of my thoughts on my way to work and had a response waiting for me. Here are a few excerpts you might find interesting:
"Finding contentment doesn't mean we have to like our current situation, but it may require an appreciation for it."
"That's because peace isn't the absence of pressure. It's the presence of God and our attitude toward His provision in the midst of our stress."
"You may be in a hard place right now and you're longing for freedom. Maybe you're in a job that feels like a dead end; perhaps you have two of them! It may be that you live in a space too small for your family and you hate it. You're not where you planned or hoped to be and you certainly don't like it."
Yeah, you see the "loud and clear" message too. Let me clarify, I don't think either of my jobs are dead ends. I really like my full time job and I sought out the part time job to reach a goal. I know I'm going to have to make sacrifices, and I'm okay with that. I was more upset last night and this morning with the fact that someone else ruined my precious night of sleep and my reliance on breakfast waiting for me to grab on my way to work in the morning. Nothing in our life right now is what we had planned or hoped for. We hadn't hoped to be living in a hotel for 6+ months. We didn't hope to work 2 jobs each to make our goal of becoming a family a realization and we didn't hope that we would not be able to have biological children. Are we growing and learning from all of this? YES! Are we learning that "finding contentment doesn't mean we have to like our current situation, but it may require an appreciation for it?" I think so.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Happy Anniversary!
Today is our 8th Wedding Anniversary! If you would have asked me where we would be in 8 years on our wedding day, this is definitely not what I would have said. But somehow I don't believe, if everything I would have said 8 years ago today came true, life would be as meaningful as it is for us today. Our marriage and love for one another is much deeper than where they would be if everything "fell into place" for us. I know Gus loves me. How could I doubt it after everything we have been through?
My present to myself is that I will not look back at my blog from last year. Yes, it is all on my mind, but I'm not going to torture myself today. Here is my prayer instead:
God,
Thank you for blessing me with Gus as my husband for the past 8 years. Thank you for giving me his hand to hold through sickness and surgeries, infertility and adoption, house fires and the loss of loved ones, vacations and new jobs, holidays and every other day. He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He lets me dream but gives me perspective. He lessens my pain and lightens my load. He loves me for who I am and not who he wants me to be. He is a great Pappy to our fur babies and will make a great Daddy to our future child(ren). I promise to continue to love, encourage and respect him to the best of my abilities for all of the additional (and hopefully many) years you allow us to have together. Amen.
My present to myself is that I will not look back at my blog from last year. Yes, it is all on my mind, but I'm not going to torture myself today. Here is my prayer instead:
God,
Thank you for blessing me with Gus as my husband for the past 8 years. Thank you for giving me his hand to hold through sickness and surgeries, infertility and adoption, house fires and the loss of loved ones, vacations and new jobs, holidays and every other day. He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He lets me dream but gives me perspective. He lessens my pain and lightens my load. He loves me for who I am and not who he wants me to be. He is a great Pappy to our fur babies and will make a great Daddy to our future child(ren). I promise to continue to love, encourage and respect him to the best of my abilities for all of the additional (and hopefully many) years you allow us to have together. Amen.
Friday, May 27, 2011
"Welcome to Walmart!"
Both Gus and I now have part time jobs! I will be working at Walmart in the apparel department, making sure everything look tidy and returns and fitting room rejects are put away, and occasionally put out new stock.
Gus will be a part time janitor at our church. His designated area will be the children's wing.
We both start on Tuesday, the 31st! We better enjoy our weekend, 'cause the craziness is about to begin! ;)
Gus will be a part time janitor at our church. His designated area will be the children's wing.
We both start on Tuesday, the 31st! We better enjoy our weekend, 'cause the craziness is about to begin! ;)
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Training
We headed down to St. Louis on Saturday morning for our full day of adoption training and it was...awesome! There were so many good portions throughout the day. We really enjoyed the video of Karyn Purvis talking about points from her book The Connected Child. We learned so much in the hour video that we have already signed up to go to her conference in September. (And thanks to Focus on the Family, Gus and I will be attending the two day seminar for $25!!! And I finally get to go to Nashville.) Did you know that ALL adopted children go through trauma? Even if you take your adoptive child home from the hospital, all of the time spent in utero with the birth mother while she was stressing about her decision to place the child for adoption is enough trauma to cause issues down the road. I didn't know that. She teaches techniques on how to build a relationship with your child that builds trust instead of just focusing on disciplining the child when behavior becomes an issue.
There were all kinds of panels too, which were awesome. There was an adult adoptee, an adoptive family whose children were in high school and college now, an adoptive family who just adopted this past year, and a birth mother panel. The birth mother panel was by far our favorite part, but they were all really good. And eye OPENING!!! The birth mothers talked about their adoption story, what they liked, what they didn't like, what they wish they had done differently, and we could pretty much ask any questions we wanted. (The asking questions part was true for the whole day, we got a lot of answers, not just for the birth mother panel.) There were so many things that came up that we hadn't even thought of yet.
There was also a whole section devoted to multi cultural and trans racial adoptions. That was very well done and brought forth some points we hadn't examined yet as well. All in all, it was a very good and informative day and I'm so glad they require it. We also got to meet the social worker we will be dealing with, which was really nice.
Gus and I both have interviews later this week for part time jobs. We both feel we need to be doing everything we possibly can if we are going to be asking other people to help us out financially. I'm pretty excited about my opportunity because it would be a lot of extra hours and the discount would be really nice, but I'm just worried that it might be too many extra hours. It would put me at working 70 hours a week total, which would be awesome for our little adoption fund, but I would be scarce from the world and may get burnt out too quickly. Decisions, decisions. Winning the lottery would be a good alternative, but since I never play the lottery, that isn't going to happen. :)
WE HAVE RECEIVED OUR FIRST DONATIONS!!!!! We received a donation through our pay pal account and friends of ours who are moving are selling some of their personal items and they have pledged the profits from one of their items to our fund! So if you know of anyone looking for a vespa scooter, let me know. :) I'm hoping to have our fundraising plan out to family and friends soon so they can decide if they want to help out and in what capacity, if they even can. God is definitely working on our pride in this area. Neither of us have personalities that like to ask for help. We understand that our problems do not belong to anyone else. And we also understand that we can not afford to adopt on our own. I've already gone through hell and back to become a Momma, and I would do anything to hold our baby in my arms. We are willing to make sacrifices and if it means working 70 hours a week and swallowing our pride and asking for help until we meet our goal, then so be it. It will all be worth it when we bring Baby Martin home!
There were all kinds of panels too, which were awesome. There was an adult adoptee, an adoptive family whose children were in high school and college now, an adoptive family who just adopted this past year, and a birth mother panel. The birth mother panel was by far our favorite part, but they were all really good. And eye OPENING!!! The birth mothers talked about their adoption story, what they liked, what they didn't like, what they wish they had done differently, and we could pretty much ask any questions we wanted. (The asking questions part was true for the whole day, we got a lot of answers, not just for the birth mother panel.) There were so many things that came up that we hadn't even thought of yet.
There was also a whole section devoted to multi cultural and trans racial adoptions. That was very well done and brought forth some points we hadn't examined yet as well. All in all, it was a very good and informative day and I'm so glad they require it. We also got to meet the social worker we will be dealing with, which was really nice.
Gus and I both have interviews later this week for part time jobs. We both feel we need to be doing everything we possibly can if we are going to be asking other people to help us out financially. I'm pretty excited about my opportunity because it would be a lot of extra hours and the discount would be really nice, but I'm just worried that it might be too many extra hours. It would put me at working 70 hours a week total, which would be awesome for our little adoption fund, but I would be scarce from the world and may get burnt out too quickly. Decisions, decisions. Winning the lottery would be a good alternative, but since I never play the lottery, that isn't going to happen. :)
WE HAVE RECEIVED OUR FIRST DONATIONS!!!!! We received a donation through our pay pal account and friends of ours who are moving are selling some of their personal items and they have pledged the profits from one of their items to our fund! So if you know of anyone looking for a vespa scooter, let me know. :) I'm hoping to have our fundraising plan out to family and friends soon so they can decide if they want to help out and in what capacity, if they even can. God is definitely working on our pride in this area. Neither of us have personalities that like to ask for help. We understand that our problems do not belong to anyone else. And we also understand that we can not afford to adopt on our own. I've already gone through hell and back to become a Momma, and I would do anything to hold our baby in my arms. We are willing to make sacrifices and if it means working 70 hours a week and swallowing our pride and asking for help until we meet our goal, then so be it. It will all be worth it when we bring Baby Martin home!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
